Wednesday, October 17, 2012


After watching President Obama and Mitt Romney's debate, and hearing Romney try to sale the "benefit" of Self Deportation, my funny bone got inspired (cause you know I think I'm funny sometimes!)


[Automated message] "Thank you for calling the United States Self-Deportation Department. To proceed in English, please press 1. Para continuar en Espanol, oprima numero dos."

[Woman presses number]

Self -Deportation Agent: "Yes, thank you for calling Self-Deportation. How may I assist you here at U.S.S.D.D."

Woman: "I'd like to file a claim."

SDA: "A self-deportation claim? Yes, ma'am. On what grounds?"

Woman: "I'd like to deport myself as soon as possible. My kids are bad as hell and my husband is a jerk. My mother in law is here illegally as well and has been staying with us for nine years, along with her sister, my brother, his wife, their kids-- my nieces and nephew, my children and our daughter's chihuahua."

SDA: "...nephew...children...and daughter's.... chihuahuah. Check. Okay, and when would you like to leave?"

Woman: "My bags are already packed. As a matter of fact, I'm on my cell calling you from the parking lot right now. When is the next plane, train or boat leaving?"

SDA: "Well, ma'am, it will take six weeks to process your Self-Deportation form, and then another two to three months before we could schedule you a ticket for transportation out of the country because so many people have been volunteering to 'self deportate'. We aren't able to accommodate the increase in 'self-deporting' candidates at the moment."

Woman: "Daggone it!..... Well, can I pay an extra fee to expedite the service?"

SDA: "I'm sorry, ma'am. Expedited service for Self-Deportation is only available to exclusive parties. You will have to stay in the country until a space becomes available for you to leave."

Woman: "[Sigh] Okay... Should I try back in a few weeks?"

SDA: "Sure ma'am, six to eight weeks. Is there anything else I can do for you today?"

Woman: "No."

SDA: "Well, you go on back home. And thank you for calling Self-Deportation! Good day!"

--And SCENE--

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