Friday, March 11, 2011

curveball

where am i supposed to go now? with a letter to vacate the apartment by sept (which has been extended to oct), i'm completely spinning and feeling the same anxiety i felt back when i received the same type of letter when i lived in harlem.

only, the anxiety is not coming from the whole having to move. i mean, granted, i do HATE moving, but i can and will hire movers to make it easier. and now that i know i have six months, i can technically start going through things to get rid of that can make packing easier when it's finally time. and that's if i ACTUALLY take the opportunity to do so. procrastinator that i can, i rarely do things far in advance.

but it's the fact that my life and personal identity is so wrapped up in living on stuyvesant avenue. okay, maybe not my IDENTITY per se, but in a lot of ways i feel like this block is a part of the fabric of who i am. i love it here. i feel like my neighbors are family. the park across the street is a part of my enchanted well being. movies and music in the summer time.

so, i'm not looking forward to leaving. there's a house next door that's vacant. it has been for a very long time, years. about two... i want to move in there, but i have no way to know what's going on. i'll email the real estate agent and see if he says anything, but last time he was very tight lipped about the property and what was happening. as of now, i feel like that is my only bet in being able to stay here.

i don't think it's sucken in quite yet, that i'll have to move. it may not sink in until i find another apartment that i feel like can provide the same amount of magic.

maybe it's time to leave nyc altogether. i was saying that i wanted to move to london. and the only reason i decided against it was because i love my apartment in bk. but if the apt is giving me up, and, as it seems, a lot of other things are giving me up too, maybe it really IS time to go.....

but as of now, i will stay in nyc, at least through the summer. because summers in nyc are the best. maybe by then i will have some insight on where to go: stay in stuyvesent heights, leave bedstuy for crown heights or ft. green. move closer to one of the campuses... or finally move abroad.

....................................sigh.

in any regards, this sux. ;(

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