while having some incredible highs
strategic placed throughout the course
of each month,
has surpassed any other year
in my life
with regards to facing head on
the challenges and emotional hardships and choices and decisions and
all the things that keep your mind up at night,
doing everything from processing to racing,
trying to accept,
not wanting to accept,
refusing to accept,
figuring out what can be changed,
how i can possibly affect that change,
how i can move forward,
what if i stand still,
should i stand still,
what if i move backwards,
is it ever necessary?
what about the ill moves,
some, questionable at best,
the rules that were bent
far enough to snap clear apart,
what do they reflect about this
in its entirety?
it's not even over yet.
and yet, for every day that i wake up,
i thank God for his new mercies every morning,
even on the days when morning has long since passed
by the times my eyes creek open.
even in all heaviness and lonesomeness and triflingness and uncertainty and heartbreak and grief and all that stuff --that makes me question the degree of my sanity on any given day, but that i would feel even crazier not acknowledging-- and that has me convinced that each of us human beings inevitably become progressively worse with each passing year,
no one of negates of cancels God's love for me, and us all. because even in the middle of the most emotionally wrenching of days, i still hear a quiet assurance that the steadfast love of the Lord never ceases. even on days when i'm asking myself "why the heck am i even doing this" i hear, his mercies never come to an end as they are new every morning. on days when i'm lonesome over the loss of a friend that should be here, either in this world as we know it, or in my world as i'd like it, i am reminded that great is His faithfulness to us.
the peace of truth does not equate resulting happiness in a moment of personal crisis. but it does keep you from the despair that may be prevalent without the faith, hope and truth of God's love.
so, it's been a heavy year. simultaneously joyful and mournful on many given day. but i know that if i keep living, the highs have a way of outweighing the lows, and that's alright with me.