Wednesday, September 01, 2010

on certain days

much like this one, when i think i'm very clear minded and level headed, without the emotional magnification of pms, just being me on a quiet day, i sit with certain thoughts about my life, things that i am unhappy with, perhaps unsure about, the things that have disappointed me... they haunt me a little bit, and I try to figure out what it all means.

what does it mean that i am uninterested in having a child and think that i may never really want to?

why would i spend four years madly in love with a person who refused to commit to me?

how did i become the girl that a friend tells one week before his wedding that he loves her and is unsure he should marry, only to go on and get married the following week?

how long to i have to be sad about the people that i've lost in the past two years?

when will i figure out how to get my ideas produced and into the marketplace?

why haven't i traveled the world?

i think about in the event of my untimely demise (though i don't wish for such, i understand that untimely demises occur every day without notice) how i'd like to be cremated and spread across the waters of the african continent....

..and how this song, Sunny, should definitely be played during the memorial service...

....and how i'd like a service similar to Jim Henson's:

"As per Henson's wishes, no one in attendance wore black, and a Dixieland jazz band finished the service by performing "When The Saints Go Marching In". Harry Belafonte sang "Turn the World Around," a song he had debuted on The Muppet Show, as each member of the audience waved, with a puppeteer's rod, an individual, brightly-colored foam butterfly.[31][32] Later, Big Bird (performed by Caroll Spinney) walked out onto the stage and sang Kermit the Frog's signature song, "Bein' Green".[33]

In the final minutes of the two-and-a-half hour service, six of the core Muppet performers sang, in their characters' voices, a medley of Jim Henson's favorite songs, culminating in a performance of "Just One Person" that began with Richard Hunt singing alone, as Scooter. "As each verse progressed," Henson employee Chris Barry recalled, "each Muppeteer joined in with their own Muppets until the stage was filled with all the Muppet performers and their beloved characters."[33] The funeral was later described by LIFE as "an epic and almost unbearably moving event." The image of a growing number of performers singing "Just One Person" was recreated for the 1990 television special The Muppets Celebrate Jim Henson and inspired screenwriter Richard Curtis, who attended the London service, to write the growing-orchestra wedding scene of his 2003 film Love Actually.[34]"

okay, maybe not THAT, but it just sounds like the most legendary, whimsical memorial service ever. so, i want people to experience that kind of whimsy as they celebrate my life. A couple of cameo appearances by muppets might be really cool...

yeah, wedding, i don't think i want one of those either. i've been saying it for years, but i kinda believe it now. (that's assuming i find the passion to visit madly-in-love again in the next ten years and am issued a proposal along the journey.)

and i wonder if all of this means i'm depressed, or if i just take the time to think about these things instead of pushing them to the side or saying it doesn't matter....


it's a very quiet day.

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