Saturday, May 08, 2010

At the risk of sounding like a broken record

It's really quite overwhelming at times to realize, yet again/yet even more, how much I miss my Grandmothers. Maybe right now it has something to do with Mother's day? Maybe it doesn't. I don't know. This year I was compelled to buy three cards, all of which were for my own mother and sent them to her with great excitement. Though it wasn't until some time after I bought the cards that I realized every other year I normally buy three cards anyway, one for my mom and two for my grandmothers.

(Shrug) I don't know. That's all I really have to say about that.

Though it's been fairly plaguing, as of late, the circumstances surrounding the last times I saw my grandmothers, those last few days, I can see them so vividly, the days and evenings on which I last saw my grandmothers, tired as they were, in good spirits despite their ailments. I'm still sad, and I wonder if I ever will not be. Every now and again my brother mentions that Gran Gran had a bunch of information to share with him about our family, that she never got a chance to reveal. I sometimes think about what it will mean to go back to LA and not stop by their house with the sole purpose of seeing them.

There are no tears though. and for that i'm grateful.

It's just amazing how all of this can still knock the wind out of you.

(my eyes are closing. so i'm going to sleep.)

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