Monday, May 31, 2010

it's amazing

how melancholy you can feel after having had a perfect day spent with great cheer and camaraderie. i've lost the most cherished companion i had at this point in my life.

and no matter how much anyone says regarding
the necessity of moving on,

i. am. sad.


(and i have no idea how long this will last

though i pray it's not the rest of my life.)



Thursday, May 20, 2010

My favorite FB status and comment

Mai Perkins was reminded recently that there are actually men who pray (and believe) that God will allow them to meet the right wife. I seem to forget that this occurs... :) So, to those men who have found the Lord's favor in bringing Mrs. Right into their lives, I say kudos! And to those who are keeping cool and believing that God got it under control, I say, good for you!

Daddy's comment:
Some years ago, your mother and I had a conversation. We found that when we were very young, and before we knew each other, we had both prayed that the Lord would bring the right person into our lives to marry and build a life with. After almost 40 years of loving each other, we know the Lord answered our prayers. Neither of us were looking for
anyone when the Lord brought us together. Once we were together, neither of us ever looked for anyone else again. Experiencing this type of love, this depth of love, this continuously growing and evolving love can only be PRAYER ANSWERED!!!

Dominique's comment:
The man who prays YOU into his life will indeed be BLESSED!

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

the assassination (of false so that truth will live.)

i don't even have any tears this time. like, not right now... it's totally numbing because like, i get it: when someone [finally] lays out that he categorically does not want you, it puts things into a whole different perspective and assassinates desire for whatever you thought you wanted.

so. this will be ...interesting.... figuring out the full disengage, the software uninstall from this part of my life with the true intention/goal/new desire to move on so that love will live&thrive.

8:58pm-- update:

i don't know what will come, but day one, so far so good: you keep reminding yourself of those pertinent, hurtful truths of the final conversation, and you resolve that it will keep you moving forward.

a revisiting.

i wrote this almost a year ago detailing my goings-on with different guys... from casual to deep, the potential of love or the lack thereof. as of today, i am still in touch with one of them. can you guess which one that is! he made me smile earlier tonight when i was feeling numb and dismayed. and though he would not approve of me blogging about him for a second... no, third time (see previous blog of poignant thought from a precious soul), and i'm probably losing like 20 points right now, i just have to document the moment, because i feel the need to champion his place in my life right now. and say, thank you.

Poignant encouragement from a very precious soul:

"I think that the bumps or dead ends in life are good
because they give you a chance to head in a new direction,as opposed to being in the dark, continuing
down a wrong path.."


here's to moving on with my life?

now. somebody tell me how to do that when you're numb and dismayed.

quick! somebody grab my arm and pull me out of the quicksand..... please.

Monday, May 10, 2010

just like my grandmother had the best last christmas ever..

i hope she had the best last
Mother's Day ever.

Rest In Peace, Ms. Horne.
Your beauty, charisma, charm, grace,
talent, and the lessons you taught
about breaking down barriers
while being WHO you ARE...
may we all learn from you,
and cherish your memory.

I believe in myself.... Whooo!

Sunday, May 09, 2010

INSPIRATION! Happy Mother's Day

Remember the name: ERNESTINE SHEPHERD! She's the Body Building Grandma! I wanna be like her when I'm a grandma.... or maybe even before! :) Click HERE to read the full story!

Saturday, May 08, 2010

At the risk of sounding like a broken record

It's really quite overwhelming at times to realize, yet again/yet even more, how much I miss my Grandmothers. Maybe right now it has something to do with Mother's day? Maybe it doesn't. I don't know. This year I was compelled to buy three cards, all of which were for my own mother and sent them to her with great excitement. Though it wasn't until some time after I bought the cards that I realized every other year I normally buy three cards anyway, one for my mom and two for my grandmothers.

(Shrug) I don't know. That's all I really have to say about that.

Though it's been fairly plaguing, as of late, the circumstances surrounding the last times I saw my grandmothers, those last few days, I can see them so vividly, the days and evenings on which I last saw my grandmothers, tired as they were, in good spirits despite their ailments. I'm still sad, and I wonder if I ever will not be. Every now and again my brother mentions that Gran Gran had a bunch of information to share with him about our family, that she never got a chance to reveal. I sometimes think about what it will mean to go back to LA and not stop by their house with the sole purpose of seeing them.

There are no tears though. and for that i'm grateful.

It's just amazing how all of this can still knock the wind out of you.

(my eyes are closing. so i'm going to sleep.)