Wednesday, January 06, 2010

The Surreality of it All.

I had two grandmothers when I arrived home on December 21st. Even in their poor health over the past year, 2009, I had no idea this trip would be my last time seeing them. Here, as I know them. They were both strong, strong women who assured and reassured me, my parents, one another, and whoever would listen, that they were holding on for the day they would see my brother walk into their living room to greet them with a great laugh and loving hug. That's what Mommae talked about for a good majority of the time I saw her on the Tuesday after I arrived, and when I saw her on Christmas eve. It was the same with Gran Gran. I was convinced their hanging on was a pact they'd made and would be seen it through as planned. THAT was the plan. But God had another plan. His plan was to call them home, just eleven days apart on December 26th and January 6th, to give them a better life with him and their other loved ones. As we sat with Gran Gran in the hospital this morning, Daddy said that Mommae was probably standing at the entrance of heaven waving at Gran Gran, "Girl, what took you so long! Come on in, let me show you around!" The consensus from the family, my parents, though utterly shocked at the timing, is that we are at peace because they are no longer in pain and affliction from their failing , deteriorating bodies. How can you question that? Maybe three more months was more than they could bare, and the saying does poignantly state that God does not put more on us than we can bare. I don't know if that wording is a scripture, but it is widely believed to be truth.

So, at some point, it will really settle in for both of us, me and Marcus. That we no longer have grandparents, grandmothers. I don't know what that means just yet. I just, I can't wrap my mind around knowing that I will not be hearing from or calling or seeing or laughing with either one of them. Even if the conversations were short, routine and nutshell, they were a standard and comfortable part of my existence. They just wanted to know we were alright. And they did know that. Ultimately.

There is so much to say about both of my grandmothers. But the only thing that is willing to come out, at this particular time, is how surreal this whole experience of them leaving really is.

(sigh.)

.............

I just got a poignant message from a friend of mine saying that she remembers that the Obama's grandmother passed away just days before he was elected as the President of the United States, and that somehow, she feels this, my grandmothers' passings, are just as much a positive sign that great things are to come for me this year, moving forward. It's a lovely sentiment, isn't it.

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