Friday, October 30, 2009
“If my ups and downs, our ups and downs in our marriage can help young couples sort of realize that good marriages take work. . . .” Michelle Obama said a few minutes later in the interview. The image of a flawless relationship is “the last thing that we want to project,” she said. “It’s unfair to the institution of marriage, and it’s unfair for young people who are trying to build something, to project this perfection that doesn’t exist.”
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
I was looking at the Gordon Parks' "Half Past Autumn" book that I bought you. I happened to read the dedication that I wrote. I am sending it to you. It may encourage you about now.
The Lord blessed me when He gave me you. You will always have my heart. I look at you and I am filled with love and pride. I appreciate your many talents, but, I love you, the person: My daughter. I hope this book will serve as continued inspiration for your creativeness. As the years come and go, continue to learn. Continue to grow as a person. Stay rooted and grounded in a sincere love for the Lord and His Word. Always temper your creativity, knowledge and accomplishments with love, gentleness and kindness so as not to get caught up in pride. Stay curious and always look for ways to express your thoughts (That’s all creativity is). Writer, dancer, singer, poet, artist, photographer, graphic artist, thinker and so on…..
Seems to me that you are already a RENAISSANCE LADY!!!
I love you,
he responded "....or you could choose to be indomitable you..."
"indomitable" me. an adjective i don't think i've ever quite heard in reference to me specifically. so i decided to look it up.
strong, unconquerable, resolute, determined, stubborn, tough, spirited, doughty, invincible; incapable of being subdued or vanquished; someone strong, brave, determined and difficult to defeat or frighten. unbeatable, steadfast, obstinate, insurmountable, resolute, unruly, wild; someone or something indomitable cannot be easily dominated; not easily discouraged; unyielding.
i thought about these words. surely i am some of them. on occasion i'm all of them. and, on occasion, i'm none of them.
but, in this instance, am i being indomitable?
well, usually time tells these sort of things, but... it's what i purpose.
so, i'm glad he decided to remind me of it tonight.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
so i came in and there was this huge bug carcass on my living room floor, and i'm like "ohhhh no....." but then i vow to try to handle it after i finish editing a paper i was working on... so around 2:30am i'm like... okay, JUST DO IT MAISHA. and it takes a lot of mental energy to grab the broom and find a black bag to put into the waste basket...
so at first i turn the lights down low and squint so i don't have to see it clearly, maybe just enough to sweep it directly into the waste basket.. but the couple of times i swiped at it, it didn't go in!!! GEEZ! So then I'm like, okay i'll have to put it INTO the dustpan and then lift it into the wastebasket with the black bag... BUT i just couldn't bring myself to get close enough to bend down and sweep it in... SO i try one last time to just sweep it directly into the wastebasket turned on its side.
DO YOU KNOW THAT BUG FLIPPED OVER AND WAS ALIVE! It started coming after me!!! LIKE FURREAL! The worse case scenario happened, it came back alive and started crawling towards me... and I was calling Jesus to help me and I didn't know what was gonna happen! All the while my head and shoulders were just getting more and more pressure and constricted... it was the WORST fear i've had in a long time. :(
So, finally, i got into the kitchen to grab the raid and spray it from the other side of the room til it flipped back over... it still wasn't dead but at least it wasn't crawling after me anymore. Then i managed to grab the empty plant pot and place it over the thing where i guess it's currently giving up the ghost..... ICK!
and now..... i can barely keep my eyes open my freakin head is throbbing so......
sometimes i hate living by myself. the thing was dead and came back alive and started chasing me. or so it seems. either way, too much anxiety....
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Saturday, October 10, 2009
and, early one saturday morning you text friend asking if he wants to hang, and you get a response later that he may go out and shoot, so you express wanting to join the excursion. and a couple of more hours pass while you wonder if he's on the way, but you haven't heard that he is. so you're still taking it easy since it is saturday and there's no need to be ready to go when you haven't heard that he's en route. THEN you finally get a text from friend saying that he's headed to that very place you daydreamed about going to earlier in the summer with him. your feelings are hurt (probably more than they should be, but they are) because friend has decided to go to the place without you, or so you think. but then the next text clarifies that if you want to join then you should come. and with barely enough time to make it to the ferry going to the place, you scurry to throw on something, grab camera, metrocard and ID, and head out the door to the train...
but then a few stops shy of the ferry that will take you to your destination you realize you're not going to make it in time for the last ferryboat. so you get off the train and send a message that if he can make it onto the ferry, then by all means, go... you'll go some other time. and they respond "ok." and you go back home, never having expressed that your feelings are hurt.
....isn't that disappointly ironic that he's now at the place you waited to visit because you wanted to go with him. or is it ironically disappointing?
oh well. daydreams are just that. maybe in reality this wasn't "our" experience to have.
i guess i'll visit next summer.
--Khalil Gibran, Thoughts and Meditations, 1960
sometimes it's painful
sometimes there are too many questions
and too few answers
sometimes what you desire is within reach but not at all within grasp
it's just life taking place just as it should
and if you wait a few more hours, days, years, you'll see that it's not
as many unanswered questions or unfulfilled desires as there were before.
it's really in how you decide to view the time/moments passing. and, yes, it takes a great deal of effort to decide that you WILL process this positively, but that usually determines the difference in how things continue to manifest and unfold.
so much of surviving is in how you decide to mentally (and spiritually) process things. isn't it?
yet so much affects how we are able to mentally process things. we are such delicate beings. even in being strong physically, there is something so fragile about life and our capacity to meander through it. and there are all of these decisions that have to be made....
[i was going to say more, but it's getting a bit convoluted so, i'm gonna leave it for now.]