Friday, October 30, 2009

michelle on marriage:

excerpt from NYT article, The Obama Marriage:

“If my ups and downs, our ups and downs in our marriage can help young couples sort of realize that good marriages take work. . . .” Michelle Obama said a few minutes later in the interview. The image of a flawless relationship is “the last thing that we want to project,” she said. “It’s unfair to the institution of marriage, and it’s unfair for young people who are trying to build something, to project this perfection that doesn’t exist.”

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

more encouragement, when i really need it. (bonus)

from daddy:

I was looking at the Gordon Parks' "Half Past Autumn" book that I bought you. I happened to read the dedication that I wrote. I am sending it to you. It may encourage you about now.

To Maisha

The Lord blessed me when He gave me you. You will always have my heart. I look at you and I am filled with love and pride. I appreciate your many talents, but, I love you, the person: My daughter. I hope this book will serve as continued inspiration for your creativeness. As the years come and go, continue to learn. Continue to grow as a person. Stay rooted and grounded in a sincere love for the Lord and His Word. Always temper your creativity, knowledge and accomplishments with love, gentleness and kindness so as not to get caught up in pride. Stay curious and always look for ways to express your thoughts (That’s all creativity is). Writer, dancer, singer, poet, artist, photographer, graphic artist, thinker and so on…..

Seems to me that you are already a RENAISSANCE LADY!!!

I love you,



(from that dude i can't get enough of...)

he responded "....or you could choose to be indomitable you..."

"indomitable" me. an adjective i don't think i've ever quite heard in reference to me specifically. so i decided to look it up.


strong, unconquerable, resolute, determined, stubborn, tough, spirited, doughty, invincible; incapable of being subdued or vanquished; someone strong, brave, determined and difficult to defeat or frighten. unbeatable, steadfast, obstinate, insurmountable, resolute, unruly, wild; someone or something indomitable cannot be easily dominated; not easily discouraged; unyielding.

i thought about these words. surely i am some of them. on occasion i'm all of them. and, on occasion, i'm none of them.

but, in this instance, am i being indomitable?

well, usually time tells these sort of things, but... it's what i purpose.

so, i'm glad he decided to remind me of it tonight.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

fright and tension on a tuesday night.

i just caught a migraine/tension headache/shoulderache in the worst way...

so i came in and there was this huge bug carcass on my living room floor, and i'm like "ohhhh no....." but then i vow to try to handle it after i finish editing a paper i was working on... so around 2:30am i'm like... okay, JUST DO IT MAISHA. and it takes a lot of mental energy to grab the broom and find a black bag to put into the waste basket...

so at first i turn the lights down low and squint so i don't have to see it clearly, maybe just enough to sweep it directly into the waste basket.. but the couple of times i swiped at it, it didn't go in!!! GEEZ! So then I'm like, okay i'll have to put it INTO the dustpan and then lift it into the wastebasket with the black bag... BUT i just couldn't bring myself to get close enough to bend down and sweep it in... SO i try one last time to just sweep it directly into the wastebasket turned on its side.

DO YOU KNOW THAT BUG FLIPPED OVER AND WAS ALIVE! It started coming after me!!! LIKE FURREAL! The worse case scenario happened, it came back alive and started crawling towards me... and I was calling Jesus to help me and I didn't know what was gonna happen! All the while my head and shoulders were just getting more and more pressure and constricted... it was the WORST fear i've had in a long time. :(

So, finally, i got into the kitchen to grab the raid and spray it from the other side of the room til it flipped back over... it still wasn't dead but at least it wasn't crawling after me anymore. Then i managed to grab the empty plant pot and place it over the thing where i guess it's currently giving up the ghost..... ICK!

and now..... i can barely keep my eyes open my freakin head is throbbing so......

sometimes i hate living by myself. the thing was dead and came back alive and started chasing me. or so it seems. either way, too much anxiety....

Saturday, October 17, 2009

abasement and aboundment

it's interesting that once can be totally content with things as they are (in the present), and still desire for things to become what they're not (in the hope of future). it's a delicate balance that could drive one into a level of insanity if they let it.

Saturday, October 10, 2009

and as if that wasn't enough disappointment for one day

somehow, my phone got away from me, yet again this evening. somewhere between the laundrymat, Rite Aid next door to it, and the short bus ride home, i seem to have lost my phone. (sigh.... i should be used to it by now, but i was just congratulating myself not too long ago on having kept up with it for so many months now.) i sent a text message asking that if it is found to please email or call me (i have an old faithful replacement from a few years ago that is hanging on by a thread.) my contract with verizon ends in about two months and so i can either re-up with them and get a new phone now, or wait until my contract ends and get a new phone with another company at the end of december. i didn't anticipate having to make the decision now, and maybe JUST MAYBE if the person who finds it is willing to contact me, i'll have my current one back. besides my lil data card is in there, and there are plenty of pics i didn't want to lose... though i may have already downloaded them to my computer. anyway. still sux. when i got off the bus i had a strong urge to turn back to see if i'd left my metrocard, and even thought of running after the bus if necessary. but i felt my pocket and it was there, so i kept walking. i guess that was my spirit telling me to turn back for my phone. ................ah. life.

disappointing irony: the tale of the trip that should have been.

so, what if there's a place that you've wanted to visit all summer. but you'd like to take a friend along with you, because it'll make the trip that much more exciting, and you decide not to go yet. but you just know it will be pretty cool to visit with said friend because you daydream about it being a day of bike riding and photography in a place neither of you have been before. and you finally get around to asking friend if he wants to go because you realize the place will be closing soon for the season, but the time or two you ask he's busy...

and, early one saturday morning you text friend asking if he wants to hang, and you get a response later that he may go out and shoot, so you express wanting to join the excursion. and a couple of more hours pass while you wonder if he's on the way, but you haven't heard that he is. so you're still taking it easy since it is saturday and there's no need to be ready to go when you haven't heard that he's en route. THEN you finally get a text from friend saying that he's headed to that very place you daydreamed about going to earlier in the summer with him. your feelings are hurt (probably more than they should be, but they are) because friend has decided to go to the place without you, or so you think. but then the next text clarifies that if you want to join then you should come. and with barely enough time to make it to the ferry going to the place, you scurry to throw on something, grab camera, metrocard and ID, and head out the door to the train...

but then a few stops shy of the ferry that will take you to your destination you realize you're not going to make it in time for the last ferryboat. so you get off the train and send a message that if he can make it onto the ferry, then by all means, go... you'll go some other time. and they respond "ok." and you go back home, never having expressed that your feelings are hurt.

....isn't that disappointly ironic that he's now at the place you waited to visit because you wanted to go with him. or is it ironically disappointing?

oh well. daydreams are just that. maybe in reality this wasn't "our" experience to have.

i guess i'll visit next summer.

The poignancy of Khalil Gibran

"Now I realize that the present moment contains all time and within it is all that can be hoped for, done and realized... My soul preached to me, my brother, and taught me much. And your soul has preached and taught as much to you. For you and I are one, and there is no variance between us save that I urgently declare that which is in my innerself, while you keep as a secret that which is within you. But in your secrecy there is a sort of virtue."

--Khalil Gibran, Thoughts and Meditations, 1960

sometimes it takes a great deal of effort

sometimes it's challenging
sometimes it's painful
sometimes there are too many questions
and too few answers
sometimes what you desire is within reach but not at all within grasp

and sometimes
it's just life taking place just as it should
and if you wait a few more hours, days, years, you'll see that it's not
as challenging
as painful
as many unanswered questions or unfulfilled desires as there were before.

it's really in how you decide to view the time/moments passing. and, yes, it takes a great deal of effort to decide that you WILL process this positively, but that usually determines the difference in how things continue to manifest and unfold.

so much of surviving is in how you decide to mentally (and spiritually) process things. isn't it?

yet so much affects how we are able to mentally process things. we are such delicate beings. even in being strong physically, there is something so fragile about life and our capacity to meander through it. and there are all of these decisions that have to be made....

[i was going to say more, but it's getting a bit convoluted so, i'm gonna leave it for now.]

Tuesday, October 06, 2009

THIS is why you gotta love Nikita!

Crazy (as in random) man-on-the-street moment
with Nikita S. Adams.

"And what was YOUR worst date experience, Nikita???"

(click below to find out at :37 secs!!!!)

(i totally should've been there to clown!!!)

Sunday, October 04, 2009

caught in a midnight daydream.

(there's a poem that wants to go here. soon.)