Monday, September 28, 2009

Friday, September 25, 2009

I think I had too much sugar today...

I'm feelin way too emotionally charged right now.

and there's no one around to bounce it off of.

:(


migraine.
tears.
and later (eventually)
sleep.

Hov & O got flow!

This is toooo cute! Jay-Z "taught" Oprah a little freestyle rap!

Boy out of Brooklyn/made it from the 'Stuy
Girl from out the south/made it to the Chi'
Only goes to show that the limit is the sky/
Life give you lemons then you make lemon PIE!



Tuesday, September 22, 2009

One year later.

Today is September 22nd. In addition to being the first day of the new season, it marks one year that Cheryl has gone to be with the Lord.

One year, already; time flew, didn't it.
It's still a very strange thing to understand/accept, that she's really not here with us,
and so much has changed for her family since she's left... but what can you do? But carry on.
Carry on...

So, today, I'm wishing and hoping,
praying that her family is carrying on

in the best possible way,
despite the remnants of a heartbreaking tragedy,

and the waves of uncertainty
that continue to ripple throughout their lives.
And that, as God is their center,
he is also their joy
in sorrow
even if it is
a different kind of joy.



I miss you, Shay. At some point of each day, you cross my mind. Every time I'm home, it seems abnormal that I go by the restaurant and you aren't there. I've even considered not visiting because I know the void is so significant, but when I end up there, the time spent with Dee and Ms. Nel is therapeutic and necessary. I love them dearly, and I am blessed to keep the connection alive....... I suppose since it's been a year already I should be ready to delete your number from my phone.... but, I just can't bring myself to do it yet. There's something comforting about seeing your name there, even if I now I'll never dial the number again.



.......................

Sunday, September 20, 2009

pat sway and wifey dance whitney.

i'm completely drawn to this.

rest in peace to a beautiful dancer, and a beautiful union... 38 years together, til death did they part. may she find peace in his absence.

Sunday, September 13, 2009

El trece de septiembre

de este año
is coming to close.

it's strange to me
how each year 913
approaches, arrives, and departs
with little to no fanfare on your part.
any mention of its significance as it relates to you
goes without response, almost as if
it should not be brought up.
(which, by the way, never really keeps me
from bringing it up. or
acknowledging the celebration in order,
even if in the most reserved of ways.)

lord knows there is a month of festivities for my 416--
coast to coast shindigs, musical soirees...
family, friends and all others encouraged to join in
boisterously planned and impromptu happenings in the name of
my life having gained another notch of a year.
every year.

and yet,
in an opposite manner,
there's something almost sacred
about the guardedness with which you reserve
for your own day.

who am i
to think that celebration is NOT taking place
just because there are no
candles, confetti or confections with your name on it?
there is something to be said about personal reflection
of one's life on their birthday, and also about
choosing to do whatever it is you want to do
on THAT day, even if there is no measurable
(read: outward) expression of celebrating.

all of that to say:

today, i hope that celebration found you, in it's own precious way. and may this new year hold blessings and success in more ways than you can count. and that the things you are ready for come to you, and the rest comes in its own timing. and that the peace of God is always with you.

it means a great deal that i could spend a lively afternoon with you (in celebration, as far as i'm concerned.)

with love.

ps. for the record, i really thank God for your presence in my life. there are so many things in my life that ARE because of you... are better. are repaired. are understood. are humane. are comfortable. are sincere. are hilarious. are just the way they are supposed to be.

Saturday, September 12, 2009

A little Edwin Hawkins revelry.

There is an album by the Edwin Hawkins singers with songs that resonate through the channels of my mind. I don't think of the songs often, but when I reminisce about the late eighties and early nineties, when my family primarily listened to gospel music, certain songs clearly reverberate in the most comforting way though it's been close to twenty years since hearing them. One song in particular I only remembered the ending, which quotes the scripture Isaiah 53: ...he was wounded for our transgression (our trans-gres-sion), and he was bruised for our iniquity (our in-niq-qui-teee-eee), the chastisement of our peace was upon him, and by his stripes we were healed (yeah, yeahhh yeah yeah!)... That part stuck with me. I can't recall any of the other lyrics, but that part of the vamp at the end of the song had wedged itself into my memory bank, occasionally playing out, over and over again. ...he was wounded for our transgressions (our trans-gres-sions!)...

Well, tonight merely reminiscing about the song wasn't enough. I wanted to hear the song. Needed to hear THAT song. But I only had somewhat of a clue that it was by one of the iconic Hawkins' (Edwin, Walter or Tramaine), and even still, I was too young to really know whose song it really was. It seems, I remember, that there were both a man and a woman singing, which meant that it was either Edwin or Walter AND Tramaine.. Unless of course it was a choir singing, for which maybe it wouldn't necessarily be Tramaine. But I was going to give her the benefit of the doubt and figure it was her plus one of the brothers. Now, which one would it have been? She was married to one, but sang with both.... I could already tell this was going to be a humdinger of album to uncover.

Naturally, I started with the lyrics; anytime I'm looking to uncover a song I don't know the title of, I type in a few of the lyrics and the possible artist in a search to see what comes up. Unfortunately for me, typing in lyrics that are from a scripture in the Bible just yields the verse. I tried adding "Hawkins" then "Edwin" then "Tramaine Hawkins" etc etc et ce tera. And the song would not come up by the lyrics. Every OTHER Edwin and Walter Hawkins song, however, did. Goin Up Yonder. Oh Happy Day. Trymaine's The Potter's House. But nothing with "...he was wounded for our transgressions (our trans-gres-sions!)..." So I got to thinking, "Maybe, just maybe it's not a Hawkins song at all..." So I took a minute to search names like Andrae Crouch, but I knew it was Hawkins, whichever one it turned out to be. So I kept looking. Singing the song in my heart, and seeking it out.

"...he was wounded for our transgressions (our trans-gres-sions!)...he was bruised for our iniquities (our in-niq-qui-teee-eee).." I wanted to hear THAT song. It had to be catalogued somewhere on this internet. I went to Amazon, Itunes, yahoo music... found a link that had lyrics similar to what I remembered and was labeled as Tramaine Hawkins' "By His Stripes" (though the same link at the bottom said "By His Strength") so SURELY this was what I was looking for! I searched out more of Tramaine Hawkins "By His Stripes/Strength", only to find there wasn't any other representation of that song BUT that first link, and the link itself was suspect. So, nope. I had not found the song. Yet.

Then finally. Some kind of way, it dawned on me to search the actual scripture that the lyrics came from, as the title. SEARCH: Isaiah 53, Hawkins singer. AND Lo! up came my first link indicating that my memory was not making stuff up!!! EDWIN HAWKINS & THE MUSIC & ARTS SEMINAR MASS CHOIR. Who freakin' knew??? I surely didn't. ALL I knew was
...he was wounded for our transgression (our trans-gres-sion), and he was bruised for our iniquity (our in-niq-qui-teee-eee), the chastisement of our peace was upon him, and by his stripes we were healed (yeah, yeahhh yeah yeah!)... And finally, some semblance of what I'd spent the last few hours trying to uncover.


Hot on the trail, I stayed with my search to uncover an actual recording of the song entitled Isaiah 53 by Edwin Hawkins and the Music & Arts Seminar Mass Choir. Then finally, I found a blog called The Gospel Fill-Up with a posting of the exact album that I had tucked away under a flap in my mind: Live In Atlanta (1983) Giddy with excitement to realize that I was staring at the exact album I needed to hear, I left a comment to the blogger thanking them for posting the album and asking if there is any way I'd be able to get a copy of it (as it turns out, this seems to be a rare recording not easily attainable.) Hopefully, someone will get back to me with the hookup on this rarity!


So, on I searched, thinking maybe, just maybe there'd be some way for me to hear the song I was looking for. And one last search yielded the contentment I was in need of. Youtube. For the record, I'd actually started at youtube, but with the wrong names of titles and the artist, I just could not track it down. But now. NOW, I had exactly what I was looking for to hear this:





I closed my eyes when the music began, and Edwin started speaking. It'd been so long since I'd actually heard the recording, I wasn't sure just yet that this was it. But as the song played on, the changes in the music began to hit home. The voices distinctly matched those in my memory. And about three minutes in, THE PART finally came: ...he was wounded for our transgression (our trans-gres-sion), and he was bruised for our iniquity (our in-niq-qui-teee-eee), the chastisement of our peace was upon him, and by his stripes we were healed (yeah, yeahhh yeah yeah!)... And I was eleven years old again, in the back of my father's Aerostar minivan, laying on the extended row in the back, while on a roadtrip to Texas... listening to Edwin Hawkins.... I'm so glad I found this.


Thursday, September 10, 2009

i am

tired of struggling.

i am
having a hard time trying to discern level of success i'm having here:

here in new york.
here in adulthood.
here in life.

i am
not tired of chasing windmills, but i have been sitting back for a bit and watching the mills circle in the distant wind. i know that should i pick up momentum, i'm bound to reach one of them...

i am
ready for at least one thing that i desire to come to fruition sooner, rather than later: be it the love that i want, or a major break careerwise, or a trip across the world...

i am
ready to be as healthy as i can be.
which would entail not staying awake until 6 in the morning staring at a computer screen.

i am.

Thursday, September 03, 2009

Is it another coincidence, Godwink, or whatever you call it...

..that September's full moon is on the 4th at 16:03?