so i went to see some friends play last night, and when the gig was over, i asked the trombonist if he was gonna be hangin' for a bit afterward. his response, "Man, PLEASE... I'm 'bout to go chill with MY GIRL!" and he stuck around shooting the breeze for a minute, but was really like "I gotta go see my lady, later for y'all!" ....then it was the same for the drummer; off he went after the gig, home to his wife and little girl. and these are cats my age, like between a year younger/older than me at 30....
it really made feel good to see young cats eager to share their free time with the women they love. i find myself in these casual kinda situations where i spend good times with cool brothers when they're around, but they can often not be around just the same. and those accumulated experiences have not resulted in any default "we spend friday evenings/saturday afternoons/sunday brunches" together, or even the "i'm off work so let me call my girl and see what she's doing" type of connection on a regular basis. the casual dating thing sux when you're desirous of a longstanding evolving relationship with one person. but i do it cause perhaps it's better to spend SOME time with a cool guy that you dig than to spend no time with someone and wish you could. i'm just wondering when "some time" turns into "most often", and it not be on some FRIENDSHIP type vibe (cause I've had it before, but it turns out, it wasn't a LOVE thing, it was merely companionship at it's best).
Meanwhile, a friend, a guy friend, someone i've known since my first day at Howard, just said to me in a chat convo:
God knows what he's doing. You might force a situaton and then regret it like hell. I do understand that its natural though how you want to feel sincerely desired and "claimed" it feels good to have a loved one coo and make a big deal over you. Let God take control and enjoy the journey. You're are magical..I love my Maisha!!!!!!!
quite the pep-talk! and i love him for it. it's not anything that I DON'T know, but it's quite precious coming from someone, a guy who is not your father or brother, you know what I mean.
So, the mister who really wants to spend his time with me, on a consistant basis, remains to be seen. WELL, one who is actually in love with me. But I'm sure he'll come around :) It's only natural. and it's only a matter of time!