Wednesday, December 31, 2008

i should

be writing an obligatory end of the year/benadictory sort of inspired musing here. but i don'feel like it.

i'm glad this is the last day of 2008.
i'm not salty or hating, but it's been a hell of a year,
emotionally if nothing else. especially
the latter part of this year.
and maybe that's what life
is all about. but
it's gotten heavy.
to a large degree.

though, let me be fair, there have been some extremely enchanting moments in 2008 as well, for which i am most grateful. perhaps in the new year there is some balance that can better facilitate my brand of bizarre sanity....

anyway.

i don't know whether or not it's problematic that i can't anticipate anything at all that will happen in the new year. i mean, i can't even call it, homie. the only thing that i KNOW will happen for sure in 2009 is that I will turn 30. that is THE ONLY THING i can bet all of my little money on taking place, most assuredly. (If, however-for whatever random and unfortunate reason- that does not happen, then it will not matter that I lose all of my money, will it.)

my faith and hope are in tact though. i have a few plans written down and anxious to see how any or each of them shall unfold as i begin to execute in the oh/nine. my vision is vibrant. my desires, delicate... fragile even. (i dont even know if i know what that means, but i think i do. my desires are fragile at the moment.)

anyway.
the year is ending today.
though i'm relieved to see the new year coming in, there are a few precious moments of 2008 i wish and will forever wish to revisit. (i do that; can't help it.) i fear an onset of tears will well up should i fully recount these moments, so i won't. (there's totally no need to anyway.) but i think of them often. it pains me that every week i have to remind myself that life goes on though i dearly miss one friendship that has literally been laid to rest, and another that apparently just needed to end despite being very much alive in my heart. the loss of both friendships baffles me. i had no control over the loss of one, and decided to lose the other. yet i long for the days when i could be in the presence of both of these respective individuals. i'm supposed to believe i'll get over the loss though. so, you know. you convince yourself that life does go on, and just become resigned to the reality that you will ignore the keloid scars that have formed over your heart.


anyway, lighters in the air.
love never fails.
love never
fails.
so.
i love.
you. life. God.
laughter. dance. food.
kisses. hugs. music.
i love.

looking forward to the new year.
(the things that i looked forward to in past years,
i can't even say that i'm looking forward to
at this point.
not sure i need to.
right now
anyway)

but iam looking forward.

looking forward to the unfolding of new chapters.
looking forward to reaching more goals.
looking forward to the positively unexpected,
moreso than anything else.

God has a plan for me.
buh'leav'dat.
so.

looking.
forward.

meanwhile, faretheewell, oh/eight.
take your bow, and exit stage left.

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