Tuesday, September 30, 2008

more of the same

....in 9th grade me and shay wrote this rap of romeo and juliet for an english class project, and for years i've only been able to remember the first couple of verses. and i just realized, it just dawned on me that i had every intention to ask her if she remembered the rest of it. because she and i were the only two that knew it, and we loooooved to do it (that joint was the bomb).... and i didn't ask her.... i know that's kinda dumb and insignificant at this point. it's just........ something i thought about like right now :\ i won't be getting the rest of our rap....

---
9th Grade Romeo and Juliet Project
(for Ms. Whatshernames Class)

It's the R
the O
the M
the E
the O
Oh oh is he crazy
with Julie and the Friar holl'in BAAAAY-BEH!

Here's a lil story of the show
about a girl named Juliet and her Romeo
you see he loved her and she loved him
but there really was no way for their love to begin
So sit back relax and listen to the rhyme
that we created with our G'd up minds

You see a long long time ago
there was a lil freak named Romeo
he went to the jam to get Rose off his mind
when he saw Juliet in the Soul Train line
When the jam was through Julie hopped to her pad
to let the world know he was feeling sad
'cause she couldn't get the digits from her Romeo
she didn't want his dough
she just loved him so
But there was another guy
with Juliet on his mind
PARIS -- conceited! He was one of a kind!

When Romeo and Juliet went to the Friar
Romeo told Juliet his heart's desire:
Oooo girl
I love you so
never never never gon' let you go
Once I get my hands on youuuu
Oooo girl
I love you so
never never never gon' let you go
I hope you feel the same way too
("Boy, I do!!!")

-----
then nothing... i draw a blank everytime... i can't remember anything passed that point. I kept meaning to ask her if she remembered anything from the other parts we wrote together... i only remember the beginning of the story.. there was the whole play left that we'd translated with much skill, wit and precision.. we incorporated all these others nods and shout outs to the hip hop and r&b songs of the day (like Special K "I got a man/ What'cha man got to do with me/I got a man/I'm not try'na hear that see..." which was Juliet and Paris' dialogue, etc.) There was stuff about Mercutio and Tybalt.... and i just don't remember what it was.... (sigh.)
-----

i got a lil teary earlier when i was in the kitchen fixing my food. i don't know what happened exactly, but it hit me like bricks AGAIN that i'm not to ever see her again (in this reality as i know it). I don't think about that a lot, cause when i think about it, it's still very unbelievable. i can hear her laugh, her voice and see her moving so clearly... see her hands, and her hair styled the way she wore it forever. It doesn't FEEL like she's gone. I've never lost a loved one THIS close. Not someone that was a regular part of my life. so this is wayyy too much sometimes. we had 17 years and as far as I'm concerned, we still are scheduled for fifty more years of friendship, laughs and good food, laughs, more memories to make. but whatever. i guess we do not. i have to get over this grieving part and really accept it. but... it... feels like.. she's just at home, doing what she does..... and i need to give her a call later this week.....

Saturday, September 27, 2008

i finally called

mrs. wells... i wanted to speak with her but have been taking my time/avoiding it because i still haven't wanted to accept what i had to call her for. but too much time was passing, so i just called. she answered with a laugh from whomever she was there talking to, and i heard her melodious voice, "helllllooo" and the tears started streaming down my cheeks, but i just took a deep breath and said, "hi mrs. wells, this is maisha...." as the silent tears kept flowing. i apologized for taking so long to call her because it was too hard right now. she said she knew. that shay and i were like sisters. and that if it were the other way, if i had gone and shayshay was here it would be the exact same thing. "Shay loved to cry, you know..." I could tell she was smiling when she said this. she didn't tell me to stop crying. she told me that even two years after her father's passing, she might look over at shay riding in the car and see her tear-stained face because she missed her father so much. Or that in church she'd tearfully sing one of his favorite songs. (she was that heartbroken; and now they are together, i suppose.) she encouraged me to be thankful for the day i came to see shayshay about a month ago, even if it was for twenty minutes (note: i really could've and should've stayed longer), because it was such a happy last time together. she told me that Cheryl and I really were sisters, and i said i know because we'd been together for 17 years. she said that she will be holding on to all the time they spent together and I should do the same. shay was her bestfriend. they never left one another's sides. they lived around the corner from one another (shay with her husband in the house she grew up in, the house i spent so much time in, her mom in a lovely house within walking distance) and cooked in the same kitchen of their family restaurant. i told her, though i'm very close with parents, i've always admired the closeness they shared, and Cheryl's desire to stay there with her and not move away, not knowing that her time would be so short.

-----

((((real time thought: WHY am i writing this? this should not be reality.))))

----
we only spoke for a few minutes and she encouraged me to pray for her because she would continue to pray for me because the Bible says that we should pray for one another. she said that she really has appreciated my mom's support in coming to see her and her how her knowledge of Scripture has really encouraged her to be stronger. (both mrs. wells and my mom be preaching.) she ended by telling me she loved me, and i do love her so much. and now. i have to hold it together. until i am there. then i don't know what will happen.

----

i don't know that i'll eventually be okay with this. but i do know that time moves on.

Friday, September 26, 2008

I believe

the Lord is sovereign. and has the ability to not make mistakes. and in life eternal beyond this existence.






(so why is the wind
is still knocked
out of
me.)


(no tears tonight. i can't promise that they've all gone. but i've been out with another dear loved one for a good majority of the day and night. and it was a good day. live music, and lots of candy and ice cream. but the sky is now weeping on my behalf........ i need to go to sleep.)

Monday, September 22, 2008

(sigh) i should be sleeping now

i'm very tired and i have to be up
in about 5 and a half hours
for a two trek hr to work.
but i can't stop
thinking of shay.
right now.
ever.

she is an
inspiration.

she's done everything that i want to do.
that every girl wants to do.
in a very simple way.
with grace.
in the way SHE
was supposed to.
in thirty year's time.

she did the things that make life simply grand.
she married her first love
finished her degree in interior design
ran a business that she absolutely loved with her family
had a baby

love to shop... play golf.
it was like she got to experience retirement!

what's always been remarkable to me
is how she loved her family most
a close knit unit they are
mom, sister, aunt
they were always together, always.
and she was very much
a part of the thread, the glue
a portion of the family tapestry.

i love my life and my family. very much.
it's the life I HAVE to live. can't live anybody else's.
but i've always admired the cohesiveness
the togetherness, the oneness of the Wells family.
thank God they've been so close, because who knew
time would be so short. who, in their right mind,
would think time would be so short?

----
okay. i'm turning off my computer now.
as for my brain... we'll see if it goes into
standby for the next few hours
so i can sleep.

then came september

september has been creeping by so slowly
every other month, and even the summer
has seemed to whiz by.
then came september
and each day is taking its lazy time
to pass on by
and that's been quite alright with me.
i knew shay's baby was coming in september
so it was alright with me
that time was inching by
because that meant that
too much time had not passed
to call and wish her a congrats
"i have time to call her" i kept thinking
"it's too late to call her right now, she's probably sleeping.
it's only the middle of september. he probably came last week..
i have time to call her."

why didn't i just call?
i didn't even get to HEAR HER tell me
what it's like to be a mother, the mother of her baby.
i wanted to hear her tell me.
she wanted a baby for so long.
i wanted to hear everything she had to say
about finally having her baby boy.
we had a running joke,
"you call me!" she'd say,
"you know i'm bad with calling you back,
but you know that i love you. and i know
that i can count on you to call me.
so you call me!"

i knew the arrangement.
I was supposed to call HER.

i didn't call.

and deedee did. three hours ago.
and now this has been the longest three hours
of the longest september
of my life.

and because i didn't call
when i thought to call
even if it was too late
i will not get to hear what a bestFRIEND had to say
about having her baby.

could it be

that shayshay loved the Lord so much, sooooo much, that there was nothing else for her to do here but go and be with Him? she loved God with her whole heart, and a heart attack took her away. could it be... that.... she reached out to God and he reached back to her heart... and His touch was so... so.... that His touch brought her home? that he sent a keepsake in her babyboy, but took her sweet self as a part of his perfect plan?


so much more to say.
i just don't want to resolve that
this is needed to be said.

.tear.


(((grief)))

i'm not the first one to ask this

people ask every day why something tragic like this happens...


but


why do the simple and happy die young?

why does tragedy strike one family
so many times within such a short time span?

why does a baby's mother die?

why does a mother have to bury more than one of her children?

why will we never know the answers.

why.

shayshay

i got a call from the little sister of my bestfriend from junior high and high school, telling me that Cheryl passed this morning.

Maisha this is DeeDee

Shayshay lil sister????

Yes. I'm not calling with good news. Shayshay..........passed away,
she said.

??????????WHAT??????????????
please tell me you're mistaken.....
(why she would be calling me with a mistake like this? I don't know
but it had to be.)

everything else she said is inconsequential.
Cheryl............died.

i listened in horror as Deedee got through the teary details.

then i called my mom, wailing in tears, grief taken over...
cause i just don't understand
how Shay, my dear Shay, MY SHAY....
the Shay who i always make a point to run and go see at the restaurant
even if i'm in town for only 24 hours
who i make a point to call every few months, even when she doesn't call me back
afterall, she's the busy one! She's married and running a family restaurant.

I didn't call this time.
I saw her three or four weeks ago
when she was 9 months pregnant
with her first child, a boy
and i hugged her tight and sang to her belly
and we laughed our usual laugh for about 15mins
and hugged and we knew we'd speak after the baby was born.
I couldn't remember her due date,
but i knew since it's now late september
he must've come.
Every night I'd think
I've got to call Shay, but it's too late to call..
I'll let her get her bearings with the baby, I'll call her later.

----

I didn't call because it was too late to call...
and now

it's too late to call.

As much as I stay on top of remaining in contact with people
I never thought I'd be writing that I waited too late to call someone.

----

Shay I love you so much, for loving me for a lifetime.
I know you're with the Lord now.
But that doesn't make this any better for us left here right now.

(p.s. i wanted to call your cell phone just now. just to see if....i could hear your voice, one last time, maybe the outgoing message or something would give me your voice. but i didn't know if that would be in poor taste or make me look extra crazy. so once again....for the last time, i did not call.)

----

I can't even imagine
what her mother
must be going
through.

Not only is this the second child to pass away by age 30,
but she buried her husband two years ago.

---

I just don't understand.
tragedy.

AUTUMN!!!!!!!!!

WHEW! A NEW SEASON IS IN THE BUILDING!!!
CAN YOU BELIEVE IT!

Wow...

(i got sidetracked and stopped typing.)

... one hour later.

i just got some tragic news. a tragedy has occurred. i can't even finish whatever i was going to write. it doesn't even matter anymore.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Loves of the Heart



"The loves of the heart are sometimes that - Loves of the Heart.
Loves that, outside of those inner confines,
those stubborn walls of emotions deep within us,
couldn't survive.
And even if they could survive,
they might kill us...lol."

-- The Honorable Dr. Lee

Monday, September 08, 2008

mediocrity run amuck....

i got the following email from one of my students...

--------------------
From: Developmental Reading Student
Date: Mon, Sep 8, 2008 at 8:00 PM
Subject: this is your student
To: Ms. Perkins


i was wondering if the essay has to be 2 pages long because i have a full 1 page essay and actually don't have anything else to talk about.

--------------------

My first inclination was to respond:

Dear Development Reading Student,
Are you freaking kidding me?

Ms. Perkins


But, instead, I sent something that will make him think twice about sending such a letter to the teacher in the future.. at least I hope:

Developmental Reader,

Just fyi, it's never a good idea to email your teacher (or boss/manager/etc. in the real world) inquiring if mediocrity is acceptable. Your goal as a student, employee and forward thinking individual in this society is to understand what your objective is (ie the guidelines of this or any other assignment) and then figure out how to exceed those guidelines and that objective. Asking if it's okay for you to just get by because you "don't have anything else to talk about" portrays you in more negative light than if you had just turned in your 1-page paper. However, stretching that 1 page to be 1/4 of a page more shows the teacher and YOURSELF that you are really striving to achieve more than what is expected of you while you are here in college, and that's a good habit to pick up as you prepare for a career once you graduate.

See you in class.
------------------

boy oh boy..... the nerve of some people.

Wednesday, September 03, 2008

rephrase

these boys are oh soooo charming when they wanna be...

yo... there's nothing boyish about abby, he's all man. matterfact, i don't encounter this kind of man very often. i'm almost inclined to think this kind of man is out of my league... but, in reality, i know what's up!

and so.......
let, the story unfold as it may with mr. olagundoye.

:)

Monday, September 01, 2008

the best text ever! (or at least in a while)



"thank God you're still single, otherwise i wouldn't be fortunate enough to meet your grace." --abiodun, sept.1, 11:03am



(swooooooon!) these boys are oh soooo charming when they wanna be...