Friday, June 27, 2008

AWWWW YEAH! PATTI LABELLE THIS YEAR BABY!

WHEW! So i been waiting waiting WAITING for them to announce who is coming to perform at Wingate Field in Brooklyn this year!!! AND it looks like this summer is gonna be the bomb, just like the rest (read: Stephanie Mills, Chaka Khan, Anita Baker....!!! HOLLA!)

So! They've finally announced that this year we've got the Ojays! Mary Mary/Ty Tribbet, Badu, Jill Scott w/ Estelle, Beres Hammond, AND PATTI LABELLE...!!!! (say my name!! PATTI, PATTI!!!)

Now, I just got a bit beside myself because Patti LaBelle is on Aug 25th, and since I knew I'll be in Cali on the 23rd I couldn't remember which dates I'm actually traveling. I mean GOD FORBID I'm still in Los Angeles or on an airplane en route while a free concert featuring Patti LaBelle is taking place! Well, wouldn't you KNOW IT, I get back to NYC @ 6AM on the morning of AUG 25th!!!! So you KNOW what that means... I'm bout to be tired as hell watching Patti LaBelle!!!! BUT I will be there!!! Yeah, yeah!!! Kickin' off my shoes and getting my "Somebody Loves You Baby" on!!!!

Just as exciting, I think I'm gonna check Liza Minelli out this summer at Asher Levy in Coney Island... I've never seen her, but I'm all about checking out the great. And you know you can't front on Miss LIZA, Honey! (snap*snap) O-kay! Sooo stay tuned!

(Hopefully this year will not see any disasters the likes of Miss Lauryn Hill .... sheeeeesh! That was one free concert I still want a refund for......!)

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Searching, searching, searching, searching...

Say, butterfly
Up in the sky
I got a story to say
And I`ll tell you why
I`m searchin`


You see my friend
And I need someone
Who feels and needs
The same as I
I`m searchin`


When it`s right,it`s right
When it`s wrong,it`s wrong
I`m gonna sing my song
All day long
I`m searchin`


Searchin`... Searchin`... Searchin`... Searchin`...Searchin`... Searchin`... Searchin`... Searchin`... Searchin`... Searchin`...Searchin`... Searchin`... Searchin`... Searchin`... Searchin`... Searchin`...

--e. badu

this song has been very appropriate in recent weeks as I continue to search for so many things (which will remain nameless and unlisted in this here post.) and, whereas, things are slowly coming uncovered and into focus/view, i'm continuing to rep search-mode. for the time being. soon come. seen.

is it normal

to feel like an idiot? :/


........

yes. i feel like an idiot.


...
in other news,
i feel like
an
id
iot
.

it happens.

Monday, June 23, 2008

In memoriam: Phillip Joseph

today i learned of Phillip Joseph's passing. and i am, indeed, mournful about it. i'm realizing how it hurts even when you learn that someone on the periphery of your life has passed way.

Phillip was the super of my first apartment here in new york. i like to think he'd been on Hamilton Terrace his entire life, which is where he took his last breath. he was the first trusted person i came to respect and depend on during my first few months in my new home. whatever i needed, whatever i asked of him, whether it was his job or not, whether i'd gone through the protocol of calling the management service or not (which i rarely, if ever, did) Phillip Joseph was gracious enough to oblige my request with class, dignity and diligence. he is one of the most respectful and dignified people i've ever met in my life, and always, ALWAYS made a point to recognize how he esteemed me as a young lady. He'd say "Young Lady, God and your parents have done a wonderful job with you. They must be so proud." Standing at 6'5 inches, Phillip looked as if he'd probably been a handsome athlete in his day, basketball or track, and it's still baffling that his only loved one appeared to be his mini doberman pincher, Champ. i never heard him speak of family other than an elderly man on the block whom he would refer to as his father (though for some reason, i don't think the man was a biological relative.) but because it seemed that taking care of my apartment and all the others on the block was his life, i'd make a point to save a plate for him when i would bake chicken&cornbread or make okra&corn succotash. he was eternally grateful for those plates, and cherished the warm smile i gladly shared with him. Phillip would look for mice and move dead bugs for me before i could even ask him, things that i still can't manage to do til this day. he was an extremely intelligent and well read individual, and we'd share all kinds of interesting conversations on a saturday afternoon. once he even sent complimentary maid service to clean my house because i'd been having a problem with the management service! he was like a long lost uncle at times, and truly looked out for me. even when drama inevitably ensued between my roommate, the owner, and myself, he still did what he could to look out for my well being, and for THAT i am most grateful.

the weekend i was moving out of my place uptown, one of Phillip's employees told me and my mother that Phillip had been hospitalized for a serious medical condition that he'd developed. i had no idea, i just knew i hadn't seen him in a while and couldn't reach him by phone. once i found out where he was, it was all we could do to go up to that hospital to visit Mr. Joseph. we let him know that we loved him, that I was forever grateful for his dutiful service to me, and offered a prayer of healing and comfort. it turned out that he'd suffer some kind of major problem to his left foot stemming from work he'd been doing in one of the neighborhood homes. the story is kind of sketchy in my memory now, because this was a few years ago, but the doctors had done something wrong in their treating of his condition, and it was going to result in a malpractice that he would need to pursue. things didn't sound too good, so we also held him up in prayer about that as well, and Phillip was beside himself with joy that we thought that much of him to come, visit, and share a prayer. but how could we not? he'd been there for me since day one. no questions asked. nothing asked of me.

since moving to brooklyn, i've made a point of going up to my old neighborhood on 144th & Hamilton Terrace whenever i'm in harlem, just to see if i can catch Phillip out taking Champ on his daily stroll. it was hit or miss, but more often than not i'd catch them walking slower than i remembered but still the same Phillip Joseph. and his eyes would ALWAYS light up to see me. it was like a piece of home seeing him as well, because he was so nice; southern nice, and sincere. we'd get caught up, he'd always ask about my mom. he'd tell me that he wasn't doing all that well, but he was still getting around since his injury. it would always be a brief hello, but always well worth the trip when i'd find him. he'd be so happy and would send a text message the next day just thanking me for thinking enough of him to come by the neighborhood. one trip in particular, he asked if i'd like to meet for lunch and i said that'd be great, but never quite got around to taking him up on the offer.......

since january, i've gone to the old neighborhood looking to run into Phillip Joseph out with Champ. but every time i went he was no where to be found. i thought it a bit strange, but figured perhaps i was just missing him, afterall, the times i'd go up there were pretty random. but i'd keep coming back to check. today was no different, i was uptown doing a friend's hair and decided to walk over to the old neighborhood and look for Phillip. i was actually on the phone talking to my mom when one of my old neighbors came out of a building on the block. he was also on the phone when he came over to give me a hug, but when he excused himself from the conversation he turned to me and said "did you hear about Phillip.... he died." "DIED???" i asked, immediately trying to find out more about the situation. though i knew he wasn't in the best of health i had no idea he had passed away. my friend didn't know any details and quickly said goodbye, and while my mom was on hold i went over to a group of people sitting out on a stoop to ask if they knew anything about Phillip's passing. they knew very little but said that he'd died alone in his apartment earlier in the year. "they found him up there," they said, "but we don't know anything else."

i wish i'd known. if they didn't know too much and they lived in the same building, there certainly was no way for me to know. but i wish i'd known. i wish i'd been able to pay my respects at his funeral service--if there was a service. i feel like i should've been there. i feel indebted to Phillip for his kindness to me. it was an example that stood out so much because, as i said, he was the first person to look after me in this crazy city. and you need people like him in your life. i can't believe that i will never see him up on 144th street again with his hat and his grin, walking Champ. he is forever a strand in this tapestry life that i love. you have to love people. it's necessary. you never know how you just being YOU to someone will profoundly affect that person's life. i will always think of him, and i'm privileged to have known him.

so i've just been reminding myself

that i MUST work on my patience. period. i can be extremely expectant of ALL things instant, and it's causing havoc in my brain because most -- if not all things-- are not instant at all. so i am (effective immediately) continuing to work on my patience. the ill thing is that you cannot help but to do so. i mean, what's the alternative? to go crazy wondering "when???" sum'n gon' jump off? things are going to take place when and as the LORD sees fit, anyhow. so me expecting instant results is becoming old and played. and i try not to be playin' myself...(so often) when i can help it.

Sunday, June 22, 2008

RO-RO GOT THE OKAYPLAYER THUMBS UP!


okay... by "Ro-ro" I mean one of my favorite people in the world who's become like a brother from another mother in the past year or two, the sickeningly talented (and funny to boot) Rogiers, and by "OkayPlayer thumbs up" I mean the premiere website for all things soulfully dope dug his new debut album in a real way... Okay, playa! That's what's up, and not at all a surprise.. the joint BEEN the bomb! It's just nice to receive the accolades of your peers. Godwilling this will further increase album sales and touring opportunities. I just can't believe (out of all the glowing things they had to say) they had the nerve to clown one of my favorite songs on the album, "Home" featuring Brotha Webb, but they did shine the light on my ABSOLUTE favorite cut on the joint, "Come When You Call"!!!!

anyway, check out the review here and cop yo' copy of Ro's Life & Music: All of It right'chere!!!!

Friday, June 20, 2008

will downing's

interpretation of jazz standard "The Nearness of You" is a slice of homegrown love wrapped in a comforting bear-hug of a voice.

(unfortunately i recently learned that since 2006 he's suffered from a muscle disorder which has left him wheelchair bound, unable to walk. but hopefully he still has a full life of sweet love and sweet music.)

meanwhile, let us bask in these lyrics, if you please:

it's not the pale moon
that excites me
that thrills and delights me
oh no
it's just the nearness of you

it isn't your sweet
conversation
that brings
this sensation
oh no
it's just the nearness of you

when you're in my arms
and i feel you
so close to me
all my wildest dreams
come true

i need no soft lights
to enchant me
if you'll only grant me
the right
to hold you ever so tight
and to feel in the night
the nearness of you.

Thursday, June 19, 2008

I WON MY CASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YES I DID! Just got the judgment in my favor in the mail!!!! I won what I was suing for plus a little bit more!!!! GOD IS DEFINITELY GOOD! So, NOW I have to figure out how to get the money from that fool!!!!! Maybe Help Me Howard will be a good look right about now!!!!!! STAY TUNED!

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

month four

so i have this theory that REALITY sets in by month four; the unpleasant reality of most things, if not EVERYthing, definitely sets in by month four.

there's something about the weeks leading up to that fourth month that cause for the soft 1940's studio lighting that makes everything 'juuuust so' to segue into this harsh unflattering florescent-light scope of existence. i mean, i think about how gungho i've been about certain jobs that i've held in the past few years, and even most recently at uwg; sooo excited to be hired for suuuccchh a great opportunity and whhaaaattt a great chance for something veerrryyy significant to develop. but then here comes month four dragging it's behind into the building, and i'm sitting there like "how much longer do i have to do this???" i'm not sure, exactly, if this is some kind of problem I HAVE with the monotony that everyday things can bring which you just can't get around no matter how positive and silly and creative you are, or WHAT is really going on within the fourth month of any given situation. all i'm sayin is that, by month four whatever contentment i thought i'd had in something (work related and sometimes otherwise) tends to tarnish, if not fade.

let's apply the month four theory to the men in my life. i'm realizing that it was during month four of the quasi-relationship i had with the last man i loved that things started a downward spiral. we started "hanging out" in late may, and spent june, july and august in what i like to think of as a pretty whimsical summer. but if i remember correctly, september was the first time i felt that perhaps something was not right from his perspective and perhaps what we were doing was, in fact, not desired by him--though we enjoyed one another's company. that was the very first attempt at "maybe we shouldn't be involved with one another", and the emotional emails and text messages and tears, then deciding to continue entertaining each other since we were still drawn to one another... which ensued throughout the rest of the year--way past month four all the way into 2008, believe it or not. (to be fair, it can be safely said that it ended for him way before it ended for me. what can i say, i love hard.) but the point is, by september 2006 the whimsy had left the building. it was a good summer though. arguably one of the finests i'll ever have.

then there was "brian mc'(k)not", a nice handsome upstanding ambitious christian brotha i started "talking to"/building with around january of this year. we'd actually met through work back in 2006, but it wasn't until late '07 that we made a truer connection and started vibing on a regular basis, and it was evident that perhaps we could make something significant work between us.... but "perhaps" became null-and-void once it was even more evident that he was waaaayyyy too unavailable (read: BUSY) to do more than entertain nightly phone calls and unlimited text messages, which were more infrequent the busier he became. during our "time together" i think i saw him face2face a total of four times, and by april (month four) whatever we had had run it's course. now, you can't hate on a brotha for being focused on his GRIND and other responsibilities, but you can't expect to realistically develop anything between the two of you either.

and so, now i get to spend time with my sweet Dulce de Lee-che! it hasn't yet been four months that we've been involved; we met in mid april, it's now mid june--nine weeks later to be exact. and though we're crazy about one another, since i came up with my four month theory earlier today, i'm kinda wondering if we'll even still be interested in continuing to develop what we have come august. now don't get me wrong, i'm confident that the way i feel about him will only continue to grow, and he's quick to says the same. but sometimes people say one thing and then, for whatever reasons, change their minds. and certainly i believe you have the right to change your mind when you good-and-well please, i do it all the time. i decide that this "thing" (whatever the thing is) is NOT what i thought it was going to be and decide that i no longer want to be a part. it's not being a flake, thats what free will is all about, isn'it? so, i guess there's only one way to know if we will still be building some kind of relationship past month four on august 15th, and that's to freakin continue to enjoy one another's company when we can and missing one another when we're away. i don't have no crystal ball or cards, and even if i did, i wouldn't look at 'em; i'm not so much into all that wizardry'n'gargamel'isms and however else you call it. but you get what i mean, there's absolutely no way for me to know how things are going to turn out between us, four months, eight months, two or forty years down the line. i hope to still know him then, i hope to really love him then. i hope to still think the world of him then. i hope he'll still think i'm the beautiful flower with the silly-girl grin that blows his mind. but i can only put my hand on today. and expect the best.

so, i'm tryin to see what my bottomline is on this "month four theory". if i put my "your past doesn't have to dictate your future" theory into play, that would completely nullify this cynical "it seems the thrill tarnishes by month four" train of thought that's crept in today. so yeah, that's what i'm gonna do, i'm just gonna squash it. and look forward to many more months of happiness and success.

Cyd Charisse

the breathtaking movie classic dancer who held court with my favorite dancing gentleman, Gene Kelly, and the legendary Fred Astaire, passed away on monday at nearly 100 years old. I can dig it, that's a long time to be dancing, and I should be so lucky :) I arabesque in your honor, Miss Cyd.

so i'm totally not mad at the Celtics...

for blowing the back out of the Los Angeles Lakers. They came THROUGH tonight, if I do say so myself, and I'm happy for Paul, Kevin, Ray and ole Doc Rivers (who, if I'm not mistaken, is the first black coach to win a NBA World Championship????) Kudos, Black Men! [Fist in the air!]

In other news, I managed my June Challenge this past evening, taking my very first Ballroom Dance class at Arthur Murray Dance Studio on 57th Street in New York City. Turns out one of their teachers, though not the one I had, actually danced during the US Dancing With The Stars Tour, while another one competed in "So You Think You Can Dance". Grant it, I don't watch either of those shows and have been more drawn to the idea of ballroom dancing from watching the old techni-color movie classics and catching the occasional Championship Ballroom Dancing competition on PBS over the years. Anyhoo, since money is low, I knew I needed to find a desirable activity that would be easy on my pockets (flying trapeze is going to cost a pretty penny that i don't have available at the moment! but SOON come..... meanwhile, I say that each month!!!) Yesterday, it turns out that I found a free class coupon on the Arthur Murray website and danced my way into their studio right on time! (actually i was about 30mins late, but you get my point!)

So, of course my teacher John was a lil light in the britches as well as on his feet, but he was mad cool and encouraging. We started off "walking as if we were walking down 57th street" just to get a feel of my gait. Then we went backwards and stepped to the side, front side, back. This, my friends, was the basic step to the Waltz and the Foxtrot! I got it right away, and though I wasn't floating quite like Belle or Cinderella, I got my One-two-three, One-two-three on just right! And then we added the turn and it was all I could do to keep from thinking i was all kinds of the bomb! But in reality, it's all very simple if you ask me. I went on to do a light lesson in Rhumba, Salsa, Samba, and it seems one or two more that I can't exactly remember during the 40min lesson. And John was impressed with my natural ability to pick up the moves and turns as easily as I did. But I mean, i dance. It's what I do. I may not be the best, I never try to be, but I AM a natural dancer. I was born to dance, and as long as I breathe I will dance. Who knows if I will be a champion ballroom dancer like on TV, although that would be a dream to be able to compete. But competing is not really a part of my personal history (there were the few oratoracle and essay writing contests when I was a young, but physical competition... can't say that I've ever done that.)

In an unrelated thought, or maybe it is relevant, I'm reading C. Vivian Stringer's (Award-winning Coach of Rutger's Women Basketball Team) memoir, Standing Tall, and soaking in her words about what it has meant for her to be a driving and molding force to her girls on and off the court, and I'm a bit jealous that I never got to (read: was never interested in) play on a sports team and experience what she has reflected on. I mean, you know, it's too late now, at least in terms of experiencing it as a youth, I'm almost 30 for goodness sakes! but I think I have resolved that if I have a child(ren), it will be a must that they develop a sense of themselves through participating in sports (as well as academically and spiritually.) Basketball, track, softball, soccer, dance, gymnastics, chess! Some of the above, ALL of the above, SUMN! :) Okay, so it's a little early to be thinking of such things, especially when I've called myself --in recent years-- being increasingly more undecided about even having children. But, you know, it's probably the inevitable, and it's cool to think about what your kids will become with the right type of nurturing and opportunities. My dad always says that I will be the things that he never was, and I feel the same about the kids I not even sure I want to have! Like, when I see how talented my circle of influence is, my brothers from another mother, the Nate Jones's and Joseph Webb's and Rogiers's and Jesse Fischer's, I often think, JUST WAIT til I have a kid so that Uncle [fill in the blank] can teach him everything they know!!!!! Who knows what'll happen, but it's a great thought that makes me all warm inside.

Sunday, June 15, 2008

a note from Daddy

Hey Lady,

I was just thinking…Father’s Day is coming. When I was a kid, Father’s Day never really meant anything to me since I didn’t have a father to share it with. I never even gave the day a second thought. When I became a father, first with Marcus and then with you, the day took on a new meaning, a new focus for me. For me, it has never been about you and Marcus showing your appreciation for me. Although, I have always enjoy your sentiments. The day has always served to remind me of how grateful, honored and proud I am to have the two of you in my life. I have watched you continually grow into a strong, beautiful and talented Christian woman. You continue to overcome obstacles and move forward. I have watched Marcus overcome a wayward thinking by renewing his mind with the Word of God to become a strong Christian man.

I am not concerned with the circumstances that you are both in right now. Circumstances change all of the time. They are good today, bad tomorrow and good the next day. That’s just life. How you deal with the changes in life is what makes you or breaks you. You both have good character and integrity. You both are compassionate people. You are both, in your own unique ways very talented people. And most importantly, you both love the Lord.

As a father, you always want to leave something to your children. You got my creative nature and Marcus got my love of sharing the Gospel. I know that you will both go further in life with those gifts than I will and that pleases me to no end. Whatever wisdom I have gained over the years, I share with you so that you can use it as a starting point and go forward. And, hopefully, your lives will be at least as blessed as mine has been as a result of having you in it.

I love you. I love Marcus. So, Father’s Day for me is a day about reflecting on that love and thanking God for blessing me with the two of you.

Love,
Daddy

Friday, June 13, 2008

it's been a good week....

i mean, i can't say that anything significant has taken place... i'm still struggling, still need more money... (can't complain, but i can certainly upgrade!)

but it was a GOOD week.

i started off being blessed with a ticket to see Laurence Fishburne in Thurgood, a one-man Broadway show about the life and times of Chief Justice Marshall, set at our Alma Mater, Howard University.

i saw the legendary Isaac Hayes and Mavis Staples on the New York City summer concerts in the parks scene... (this week was the official kickoffs for Park Slope Bandshell and Central Park Summerstage!)

i hosted two dear friends who needed to rest their weary heads for a few nights (think of how much money i'd make if i started charging fools to stay on my air mattress & futon though!)

i saw the man, that i spent many days loving, for just a few hours, and it was nice, felt good, cause i like him still, just as he is [and always will.]

i saw the man, that i hope to spend many days loving, the day after he returned from his monthly military drill (because he said I AM the first person he wanted to see!) for an afternoon/evening of sweet sweetness by the water, then turned around and ran into him on the street two days later in time for a nice lil heart2heart we needed to have.

and i got a call from my high school homegirl Monica for another museum workshop gig in CT next weekend. that should be nice and they always pay well and send black car service, so i'll feel like VIP when i roll out!

unfortunately, i did not get a job with the New York Times paying upwards of $25/hr that i was really hoping and praying to be hired for. but you know.... life goes on. and life is good.

and it will only get better.

Thursday, June 12, 2008

revisiting texting

"never mind i had a hundred and two questions after the fact, and ended the conversation with the text 'we need to speak face2face..." --from the previous post.

so, trip! here i go sending texts like "sweetheart, when you're available i'd love to meet up for a face2face" and thinking we'd get around to meeting up sometime over the weekend....

and i let it be. went out for my day, doing my thing. so here i am going to the post office to mail off my Father's Day card when i decided to return my mom's phone call. I had intentions to get back on the A train once I finished speaking to her, transfer to the F and go on out to Prospect Park where Isaac Hayes was doing a free concert in the park bandshell. Anyway, me and my moms get into this long convo about the latest drama in the family, so i stand around on 32nd and 8th for a while before finally deciding to just walk to the F train @ 6th Avenue which would take me to the park in Brooklyn. So I'm taking my time walking and talking, and get to 6th Ave then decide that I'm still not ready to get off the phone and keep walking downtown on 6th.

and to show you how steps just be ORDERED out this piece,

here i am runnin my mouth walking down 6th and WHO DO I WALK RIGHT INTO walking UP 6th???? my sweetsugarLee! yessir, i sho' did!!!! i wasn't quite sure it was him, cause why in the world would i, being in new york city, just randomly walk INTO the person that i was needing to speak to??? i imagined that i was seeing a cartoon mirage of him or like, i was seeing his image on another person like how they do in the sitcoms and then you shake out of it and you realize it's in fact not the person... LOL. so, i promptly ended the convo with my mom as he's also registering that it is, in fact, ME! we greet in a series of "OH MY GOD, BABY! WHAT?!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING???!!!" back and forth, smiles, hugs, kisses and amazement! We both had no intentions of finding ourselves on 6th Ave, and definitely weren't planning to see one another today, and here we were, grinning at one another :)

So yeah, i hit him with the "So you know God let us run into one another so we can talk, right!"

and we talked. and walked and talked and smiled...
and it was good.

that magnetic attraction is real, yo.
i can't wait to see if we remain connected.

i'm just wondering

like, when did text messaging become the ACCEPTABLE standard of communication?


.....i guess when the persons texting the communication LET IT.


i've gotten "i miss you's", "are you free to hang out's", "i'm sorry's"
i've sent "i miss you's", "i'd love to see you's", and "i'm sorry's"
i accept "how's my baby doing today?" with the colon/parenthesis happy face as a thoughtful gesture of "oh wow, he's thinkin of me!" in that moment, but a realist would probably think-- he'd rather text than CALL to see how i am....? (i gotta be finding the silver-lining in EVERYTHING...)

i've even texted entire conversations that very well AT THE LEAST should've taken place via a phone call, yet accepted --and perhaps even preferred-- the indirect directness of getting/receiving it in 160 characters or less. (never mind i had a hundred and two questions after the fact, and ended the conversation with the text "we need to speak face2face...")


so i mean, i'm not hating on the Text Message means of communicating. I realize it's necessity and it's detriment. It makes us lazy and devalues taking the extra measure to keep the verbal communication flowing (which, sadly enough should NOT be an extra measure), but at the same time can keep you connected to people without wasting your minutes! I actually lowered my minutes and increased my text package a few months ago. And it's worked to my benefit in some regards. But certainly there are some things that don't need to go out via text, no matter how easy it is to rationale sending the text just to "start the convo."

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

so is it totally trife

that i spent a good portion of the day in the splendid company of the man that i now consider my sweetheart, and who lovingly calls me his, all the same (though we have not mutually laid exclusive claim to one another)

and then spent a few unexpected bonus hours in the company of the man that i [at one time] loved as a sweetheart (yet understand that he was not then, nor is he now interested in exclusive claim to one another... well, fwiw, anyone)?

???????????????

i suppose that's the grand thing about being "single", the fact that there is no feeling of guilt or accountability when time is spent in the company of another person who is not the central (amorous) figure in one's life. it's that in between stage where you want that person in your life but you're still "single" when it comes to spending any time with someone else. (it's a grey area that's worked in my favor today, though it is not my immediate intention to spend the next few seasons in the "affectionate-friends-we haven't really said we're exclusive" zone.)

although, let the record show that my feelings would indeed be HURT if i came to find out that my currentloveinterest (delightfuLee) was spending quality time with someone else that was not, in fact, ME. trifling, i know (it's the Aries in me.) how'sen'ever, with him being a military cat and all, i suppose we're operating under that don't ask don't tell system... or sumn like that. (NAW SCRATCH THAT, my dude AIN'T gay. though i did ask if he's with other women when he's not with me, cause we only have time to meet up but so often, and he lives so far.... so you wonder.... but he said that he was not.. so, yay.)

in any regards, i find it interesting how though feelings of love fade (i suppose), ATTRACTION does not. it is REAL, alive and it does not die. moving forward, should things continue to move forward between sweetLee and flyMai, and he really be on some- i don't want you to see other cats- or however it goes, then i suppose that's the point when you curtail entertaining questionably affectionate activities with other folk (however sporadic that may be.....)

so. yeah.

Friday, June 06, 2008

in You've Got Mail, roy orbison sings:

Dream, when you're feeling blue
Dream, that's the thing to do
Just watch the smoke rings rise in the air
You'll find your share of memories there

So dream when the day is through
Dream, and they might come true
Things never are as bad as they seem
So dream, dream, dream


...dream, dream, dream...

Monday, June 02, 2008

patient

so what do you do, when you really care for someone, then you find out something about them that cast things into a totally different light, something that isn't BAD but is a truth you had no idea about, and they ask you to be patient, and you want to be patient, but you have no idea what that means in terms of how you're supposed to and/or expected to deal with them, and so you begin to scrutinize every meet up or phone call or text msg or silence to figure out if something is different or if its exactly the same as before you knew this truth?

there is this boy that i like. very much. i could even love. if we remain in present/pleasant company. and he shared something with me the other night. and it seemed to be a bit of a struggle. but i listened. and i asked him if he was telling me because he didn't want to see me anymore. was this an easy let down. was he all of a sudden feeling differently about me. or was this not about me at all? he looked into my eyes and said that he was in no way asking that we step away from one another. he said that i was a constant positive in his life. that he was not ready to lose me. and he asked me to be patient with him. to be patient.

patient? i've never had a guy, a love interest, someone i desired and enjoyed, ask me to be patient with him. (there was a time when i would've wanted someone else to ask me to be patient with him, and i would have. but he didn't.) so this is something new. it's a new request and it is, indeed, a new phase of our relationship. definitely passed that new swooooon/fresh off the "such a pleasure to meet you" phase (though i can't imagine NOT swooning, it's what i do :) but moving into that reality phase, that "THIS is ME, will you please be unconditional with it" type of thing. and grant it, it's nothing dysfunctional or to be greatly concerned about. it's more indicative of where he is in life, in his mindspace, and in fact, with me. it's an uncertain place for both of us. some life changes are imminent for both of us, but not quite here. i have to afford him the space to get the things done he needs. and i'm going to.

but i'll be doggone if i can't just meet a dude that i like and who likes me, and we're freakin able to just spend our time together, loving to be together when i get ready or when he gets ready or when we get ready without all of this other business of obstacles and challenges and remnants of the past and uncertain futures and distance and so forth (ie LIFE) getting in the doggone way.

patient, hunh.
here's what onelook had to say about it:
enduring trying circumstances with even temper or characterized by such endurance.
enduring without protest or complaint.
good nature display of delay or incompetence.
bearing pains or trials calmly or without complaint.
not hasty or impetuous.
steadfast despite opposition, difficulty or adversity.
manifesting forbearance under provocation or strain.
not bothered by having to wait.
not unwilling to wait.
willingness or ability to wait calmly when faced with delay.
("composed" is an synonym that puts things into an interesting perspective as well.)

so yeah. please be patient with me, he asked. and i will. but God please (this is my prayer), please don't let my patience become a holding pattern for progress that will not occur.

I-n-I three

So for years i've pretended [in my mind] that i was infact one of the 3 lil'birds, I Threes (RitaMarley, Marcia Griffiths, and Judy Mowatt) on background vocals for RobertNestaMarley (See below!) lacing all dem songs of freedom with the lovely harmonic vibes....



So, of course I am most psyched that my boy Josh David has asked me to sing in his roots/reggae band, Judah Tribe! i actually spent most of the afternoon in the studio layin the top (sooooooooprano!) vocals for three songs, and we still gotta go back for one or two more next week. oh my gosh, when I TELL YOU the music sounds sooo good to the ear and to the soul, i speak the truth! and i love love LOVE those sweet harmonies, so happy to be a part :) so i do this for di I-THREE 'dem! Irie, sistren! We Jammin {jammin jammin jammin} ! BIG UP!

respect, SEEN.