Thursday, November 22, 2007

nice

what i've learned about being nice:

people are nice out of obligation (sometimes)
guys are nice because they had a proper upbringing,
not because they want to pursue something more with you (most times)
if you are nice to a fault, it will be taken advantage of
(at some point)
and you won't necessarily desire mustering up
the wherewithall to activate your innervengeance
and lash out at deserving individuals
(or business owners, at rare times)

.

today i'm just a little sad
thankful, but blue
thankfully blue
i love all the colors i seem to be
and though this shade of blue often hurts more than i care for
and provides more tears than are probably necessary
it is what it is. it is what i am.
i can put it off on my
usual suspect, scapegoat:
emotions run amuck due to the monthly cycle of wretched hormones.
and the (slight yet valid) emergence of
theghostofsummer2006 in the last week (and its not even christmas)

iwantedtoprovetomyself
that it is okay..
.to be friends
.that what i desired didn't flourish
.to take people for what they're willing to be
.to either be alone and miss someone or see them in hopes that your over them
.to look forward to a good thing with someone else

so now (again) i'm plagued with the confounded task
of being okay with this whole pathetic thing

(i must admit, i do feel somewhat better now that i've
graffiti'd this onto these walls instead of letting it
fester about in my brain for the next few hours/days/weeks/years...)

((quick prayer: Lord, please don't let years pass before i'm passed this))

**maybe at some point today i'll get out of my bed, shower,
and go be proactively thankful somewhere outside of my apartment

***maybe i'll stay home, make pancakes, and look forward to Ugly Betty and Gray's Anatomy tonight! i love pancakes!

(for now i'm going back to sleep... i woke up way too early today.)

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