Friday, November 30, 2007

I NEVER REALIZED...

...that Dr. King delivered his "I Have A Dream" speech at the March on Washington on the same date that young Emmitt Till had been lynched. connection? :/

Thursday, November 29, 2007

i NEVER knew...

that i actually LIKE nbc's
The Office...


but i think i just laughed out loud
from the bottom of my belly.

Sunday, November 25, 2007

Lamentation

The preacher this evening said that sometimes deliverance is attained through pain and suffering, sometimes through God's silence. It strengthens our trust and faith in the Lord, he said.

The introduction to Lamentations says the best way to survive grief is to express it, with others and God. Says that their is therapeutic value in working through each aspect of grief, hurt, sorrow, and fear. Says that sorrow and pain, especially as it relates to sin, is a part of God's discipline and has to be accepted in patience, with the realization that it will end when God's will has been accomplished. It's restorative, it says.

And still Jehovah Shalom finds more to whisper, as I am reminded of a praise song of the 3rd chapter of Lamentations from my childhood:

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases
his mercies never come to an end
they are new every morning
new every morning
Great is the faithfulness, oh Lord,
Great is thy Faithfulness.

and the most comfort comes from my own father's wise sentiment of encouragement echoing from the page in a timely fashion:

Time is the main healer of a broken-heart. After acceptance and forgiveness (both are necessary), you begin to take control over life again. Each day you gain small victories in the healing process. Just when you are sure that you have gotten over it, something happens to spur a memory, a feeling and the pain hits you again. Don't worry. You are not having a relapse. If you loved someone, it is only natural that the pain of the breakup will reoccur from time to time. But, in time, it will reoccur less and less. Then, eventually not at all. You will be able to see the person without any pain, anger, disappointment or feelings of loss. Eventually you will get past all of the pain...

And so. I love the Lord because he hears my voice, my cry, and all of my supplications.
and answers abound.

BEing

[i know that] growing pains are inevitable. necessary even. to filling out the dimensions of ones existence. remedying those pains have been the hardest thing i've had to figure out this year. spent more silent moments in the past eleven months than (i guess) i anticipated. i do talk to God a lot. try not to question. make a point to give thanx and praise. question. petition for the welfare of others. read. listen. learn how to not anticipate, but be. silence is daunting sometimes, so i find a song to bask in. talk to God some more until i sleep. sleep. sleep. wake up and wonder (because things are just weird right now. so i wonder.) and in the middle of it all, i live and laugh and love. work. but it's still all very weird at the moment.

i want to do a better job at this next year. this getting over, getting through, reaching higher ground, BEing. naturally you only really have each day you're in, so i guess i want to do better today. and maybe i am. in documenting my growing pains, i can look back and be thankful that i am no longer there. i will.... or perhaps no longer look back at all.

(oh well... time to get ready for church...)

Friday, November 23, 2007

this is me

getting used to working on a friday night (on a project that's due next thursday) because, quite frankly, i just don't feel like doing or seeing anyone else at the moment (not that i was particularly asked)... i would go to sleep but, ((sigh)) i've slept enough today. (what happened to that gurl that used to shut the party down dancing from 11pm on friday night until a quarter to 5am...? maybe i'll find her. next yr.) there's work to be done.

and the bottomline is...

"No matter where you go, you take your attitude with you. And that's what makes [LIFE] terrible or wonderful." (might i ad: for me, or the people i subject that attitude to.)

Thursday, November 22, 2007

and to the Nelson's of Bedstuy...

...my boss Monique's lovely parents, i am eternally grateful for them and their extended collective of loved ones and old friends, for their priceless display of holiday love, laughter and graciousness. i'm so full i can't stand it. full of food. full of gratitude. full of new memories. and full of hope that perhaps my future will be just as bright here in bedstuy in part to my own personal well fortune and accumulated loved ones.


~416~

nice

what i've learned about being nice:

people are nice out of obligation (sometimes)
guys are nice because they had a proper upbringing,
not because they want to pursue something more with you (most times)
if you are nice to a fault, it will be taken advantage of
(at some point)
and you won't necessarily desire mustering up
the wherewithall to activate your innervengeance
and lash out at deserving individuals
(or business owners, at rare times)

.

today i'm just a little sad
thankful, but blue
thankfully blue
i love all the colors i seem to be
and though this shade of blue often hurts more than i care for
and provides more tears than are probably necessary
it is what it is. it is what i am.
i can put it off on my
usual suspect, scapegoat:
emotions run amuck due to the monthly cycle of wretched hormones.
and the (slight yet valid) emergence of
theghostofsummer2006 in the last week (and its not even christmas)

iwantedtoprovetomyself
that it is okay..
.to be friends
.that what i desired didn't flourish
.to take people for what they're willing to be
.to either be alone and miss someone or see them in hopes that your over them
.to look forward to a good thing with someone else

so now (again) i'm plagued with the confounded task
of being okay with this whole pathetic thing

(i must admit, i do feel somewhat better now that i've
graffiti'd this onto these walls instead of letting it
fester about in my brain for the next few hours/days/weeks/years...)

((quick prayer: Lord, please don't let years pass before i'm passed this))

**maybe at some point today i'll get out of my bed, shower,
and go be proactively thankful somewhere outside of my apartment

***maybe i'll stay home, make pancakes, and look forward to Ugly Betty and Gray's Anatomy tonight! i love pancakes!

(for now i'm going back to sleep... i woke up way too early today.)

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

wisdom of the day

I have been
walking
slow lately.

Yes,
getting things done
but
walking slow,
enjoying
& observing
the scenery.
Life is so beautiful
when we

are
aware of the present.
We are
so
in a haste
to be in
the future
or woddle
in our
tears of the past
that we
miss it
totally.
Then when a sage enlightens,
we are
so
complacent
in our habits
that it's hard
to
"be now".


-from Webb to Lyfe

~416~

Monday, November 12, 2007

finished JUST in the knick of time!

POEM ALEXANDER

for brandy alexander and kashala erby alexander, on their wedding day—
10 November 2007

let's pretend your journey here
never quite began
pretend he never saw you, thinkin': man, she's kinda fly
pretend she wasn't digging
this cute, artsy new guy
pretend you both didn't feel that spark
when you really looked in each other's eyes
pretend that the total vibe wasn't a complete surprise

imagine if one of you had decided to keep it moving
decided to leave your meeting point
simply at—hello…
decided to pass on the slim chance
that maybe this chance wasn't slim at all,
but the onset of your opportunity
to welcome love for the long haul
imagine if you never resolved
that the two of you would get it RIGHT!
or if you allowed certain obstacles
to eclipse lifelong delight

you didn't get hung up on any differences,
but wrapped your arms around the sameness
tossing aside any preconceived plans
you found the mutual to embrace
and place in the palm of your hands

you found infatuation and ran with it
grabbed affection and danced with it
uncovered enchantment and basked in it
stirred up amusement and laughed with it
aroused passion and sang with it
discovered joy and welcomed it
captured adoration and cuddled it
exposed vulnerability, quite comfortable with it

took undeniable chemistry generating new life
to now establish this journey as husband and wife

Friday, November 09, 2007

in less then thirty six hours...

i'm sposed to have this poem done for the wedding..... you know, the one i've tried to write for the past year but am just getting inspiration to work on RIGHT NOW. :/ believe me, i'm not amused either..............