Sunday, June 03, 2007

So the second part of the year is here...

and I can already see clearly... i mean the rain isn't gone, it's storming quite nicely outside tonight, but figuratively, the gray skies are clearing out, thank God.

I don't know what happened... actually I like to think of it as prayers being answered. I've been praying a simple prayer, Lord HELP ME, a lot over the last few months. It's no secret that the first part of this year has been a bit challenging, mentally. My faith hasn't been tested, but moreso my patience in coping with not understanding what in the heck is unfolding. It seemed my peace and joy went on holiday somewhere around late January and have been taking the scenic route way back around. Now that I seem to be getting back to my SELF, it seems almost futile, unreal even, the feelings of depression that I've been experiencing in recent months. And so my prayer was Lord HELP ME. Still is, I'm just finding ways to focus on blue skies rather than blue moods, these days. It's helped that a friendship with a person that I love dearly has kinda picked up from where it'd left off in late winter. A fresh bloom perhaps. Though I hate to admit that the seeming lost of that friendship, or the accessibility to it, was one of the major catalysts to my traumatic blues, i can't deny the truth of it one bit. Unconditional love runs deep, and being the simpleton that I can be when it comes to matters of the heart, I am more content to sit still in the presence of the one i love than busy myself in the company of others just to pass the time. (In defense of my heart's loyalty, I have repeatedly asked for an out, either by way of the Lord changing my heart's mind, or by way of clearly understanding- and coming to terms with- my love/affections being unrequited. Neither out has been granted, as of yet. Consequently, I take each moment for what it is, loving until it is no longer an option.) And so. In current events, I've gotten to spend some quality time with a quality individual
, for which I am happy (and have come to understand some things that I didn't fully graps before.) yay!

Either more or just as importantly, as of Friday June 1st, my pen has finally given birth to a wonderful story of a character that has been gestating for some five years now. I intend to publish an illustrated children's book, for which I wrote the synopsis almost two years ago. BUT it wasn't until my birthday
[416] dinner with JoeRodman that I actually began to put the wheels in motion towards getting the actual story written so that it MAY be illustrated and published at some point... and at some point a good idea must become the actual product. So finally the product is here for which I am pleased. yay! Finishing the story has put things into a whole nother perspective for me now: I can now see the vision that should be written. I can plan for the future of my career as a children's book author. There ARE so many things I'd like to do, but right now I can begin to delineate what I AM doing today, next week and so on. And for this I am thankful because I'd kinda felt like I was off the course for a moment, and again, that was becoming mentally problematic.

Interestingly enough, the job I'd lost in Feb has kinda come back around so to speak, though I haven't decided whether or not I will fall back in line. I'm tryin to figure out at what point will I be moving backwards or spinning in my wheels with both this situation and the aforementioned one with my heart. I pray a lot these days. I do not now, nor have I ever believed that I am in control of these things. And so I proactively wait for the answers to reveal themselves by Gods Hand: GYE NYAME, indeed.

I joined church today, became a member of a church here in Brooklyn after having not been really affiliated with any one specific church for about three years. I feel it's time, my roots are definitely in the church and I'm kinda tired of neglecting the church family dynamic that I understand so well. So we'll see how it goes, I'm looking forward to seeing how things cultivate as I begin this new chapter. Though I spend the majority of my time by myself (believe it or not) I believe in the communal experience and understand how it's necessary for a full resonant life.

So as always, through the ups that are wayyy up and the downs that are wayyyyy down, I'm here and I'm living the life I want, I can't complain... I can ALWAYS UPGRADE, but I can't complain.

Here's to
the spectrum of experiences
life throws at us. And living in the balance of it all.
and TRUSTING God.


416
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1 comment:

Sowing The Word Ministries said...

With all of its ups and downs, life is great. The longer you live, the more you will find that out. It is great to love. It is great to recover from a lost love. It is great to find love again. It is great to have a job. It is great to get another job after losing one. We named you Life (Maisha) because we want you to have all the good that life has to offer. Sometimes you have to experience the tough times in order to get to the good times. I have always called you Lady because I want you to always think of yourself as one and because of the elegance and beauty of the word. I want you to have an elegant and beautiful life. With the Lord and His Word in your life, you will make it alright. I am sure of that.
Love you,
Daddy