Thursday, June 28, 2007

there's a giant IT

committing suicide on my kitchen floor.
(and by IT i mean bug.)

(((((i am not amused.)))))

somebody call the coroner please.
i'm going in the other room.

Sunday, June 24, 2007


ps... meanwhile, I met Dwana Adiaha Smallwood on the train coming home from DTH... If you don't know you betta ASK SOMEBODY (and get a copy of her performing Ailey's Cry on Oprah!)

nothin left for me to do but DANCE!

so i was out shooting an event at The Dance Theatre of Harlem yesterday and was delighted to meet the acquaintance of the lovely Ms. Marie Brooks, and thus inspired by her mere presence and subtle encouragement with few words:

Ms. Brooks: My dear how old are you?
Me: I turned twenty-eight on my last birthday.
Ms. Brooks: Ah Yes, I can tell! And are you a student here?
Me: No, ma'am. I wish I'd studied at the Dance Theatre of Harlem when I was young, but I'm too old to start now.
Ms. Brooks: Sweetheart, I am seventy-eight years old, you are young. And it all stays the same! You should come here and take classes. It will be good for your body and for your spirit...

Now, naturally I'm thinking: But you start ballet training at EIGHT not 28! But something in her eyes and her telling grin let me know that perhaps this is the right time to begin something new, something that I've always been drawn to. Anyone that knows me knows that I am always dancing. That's what I do, I dance. Wild and reckless. And though having somewhat formal, yet total non-classical training, I find that the motion of whatever music is surrounding me drawns me in and completely encompasses me without fail. No matter if it is a six piece band, a full orchestra or someone tapping an ill beat on a desk with their pen, when I get to moving, that's IT. I live to dance and i dance to live.

The cool thing is that JoeRodman has mentioned several times that since I now shoot for DTH that I should be able to take classes for free. So I guess I'll have to look into that and maybe start a regimine as a grown@ss ballerina! Wouldn't that be hot! LOL or hilarious..... who knows, but I love the idea of it (just as much as I love the idea of becoming a flying trapeze artist!) Of course there's the fifteen african dance classes being offered for free around bk and harlem that I never seem to make time for.... so since i call myself loving to dance so much I need to really get it together and get IN THERE!

Ashe, Ms. Brooks, and thank you.

Sunday, June 03, 2007

So the second part of the year is here...

and I can already see clearly... i mean the rain isn't gone, it's storming quite nicely outside tonight, but figuratively, the gray skies are clearing out, thank God.

I don't know what happened... actually I like to think of it as prayers being answered. I've been praying a simple prayer, Lord HELP ME, a lot over the last few months. It's no secret that the first part of this year has been a bit challenging, mentally. My faith hasn't been tested, but moreso my patience in coping with not understanding what in the heck is unfolding. It seemed my peace and joy went on holiday somewhere around late January and have been taking the scenic route way back around. Now that I seem to be getting back to my SELF, it seems almost futile, unreal even, the feelings of depression that I've been experiencing in recent months. And so my prayer was Lord HELP ME. Still is, I'm just finding ways to focus on blue skies rather than blue moods, these days. It's helped that a friendship with a person that I love dearly has kinda picked up from where it'd left off in late winter. A fresh bloom perhaps. Though I hate to admit that the seeming lost of that friendship, or the accessibility to it, was one of the major catalysts to my traumatic blues, i can't deny the truth of it one bit. Unconditional love runs deep, and being the simpleton that I can be when it comes to matters of the heart, I am more content to sit still in the presence of the one i love than busy myself in the company of others just to pass the time. (In defense of my heart's loyalty, I have repeatedly asked for an out, either by way of the Lord changing my heart's mind, or by way of clearly understanding- and coming to terms with- my love/affections being unrequited. Neither out has been granted, as of yet. Consequently, I take each moment for what it is, loving until it is no longer an option.) And so. In current events, I've gotten to spend some quality time with a quality individual
, for which I am happy (and have come to understand some things that I didn't fully graps before.) yay!

Either more or just as importantly, as of Friday June 1st, my pen has finally given birth to a wonderful story of a character that has been gestating for some five years now. I intend to publish an illustrated children's book, for which I wrote the synopsis almost two years ago. BUT it wasn't until my birthday
[416] dinner with JoeRodman that I actually began to put the wheels in motion towards getting the actual story written so that it MAY be illustrated and published at some point... and at some point a good idea must become the actual product. So finally the product is here for which I am pleased. yay! Finishing the story has put things into a whole nother perspective for me now: I can now see the vision that should be written. I can plan for the future of my career as a children's book author. There ARE so many things I'd like to do, but right now I can begin to delineate what I AM doing today, next week and so on. And for this I am thankful because I'd kinda felt like I was off the course for a moment, and again, that was becoming mentally problematic.

Interestingly enough, the job I'd lost in Feb has kinda come back around so to speak, though I haven't decided whether or not I will fall back in line. I'm tryin to figure out at what point will I be moving backwards or spinning in my wheels with both this situation and the aforementioned one with my heart. I pray a lot these days. I do not now, nor have I ever believed that I am in control of these things. And so I proactively wait for the answers to reveal themselves by Gods Hand: GYE NYAME, indeed.

I joined church today, became a member of a church here in Brooklyn after having not been really affiliated with any one specific church for about three years. I feel it's time, my roots are definitely in the church and I'm kinda tired of neglecting the church family dynamic that I understand so well. So we'll see how it goes, I'm looking forward to seeing how things cultivate as I begin this new chapter. Though I spend the majority of my time by myself (believe it or not) I believe in the communal experience and understand how it's necessary for a full resonant life.

So as always, through the ups that are wayyy up and the downs that are wayyyyy down, I'm here and I'm living the life I want, I can't complain... I can ALWAYS UPGRADE, but I can't complain.

Here's to
the spectrum of experiences
life throws at us. And living in the balance of it all.