he'll say: ...i just can't do love right now
and that'll be his bottomline.
(even though it was neither confirmed nor denied that the lack of your presence is just as much a void as the lack of his. though, spending the least amount of word currency possible,
he'll allude: too much crap from the past.)
you'll want to say: well, i wanna spread the news that if it feels this good gettin' used, just keep on using me, until you use me up...
and you'll definitely want your background singers to cosign: take my looooovveee and use it up!
but you won't.
cause it won't change anything.
but make you the desperate one in the situation.
and it'll tear you up that being the most wonderful version of yourself
just doesn't contend with whatever past he's currently facing.
you'll have to remind yourself
that you weren't raised to be weak in mind
and desperate for love.
and this will be one of the hardest things you've had to come to terms with.
allowing you to realize: if THIS is one of the hardest things i've had to deal with, maybe my life has been way too easy....?
you'll wonder if you were in denial last month when you swore to reeses pieces you were definitely over this, or if you're in denial now that you're realizing (feelings or not)
it's definitely over.
and you'll pray
that this will not ruin your spring.
that the reason why this is so painful right now is because of the hormonal imbalances of pms.
that this becomes neither the pattern of love nor the pattern of getting over the illusion of love.
that joy will come in the morning (or at least once menses begins).
that some kind of way these feelings can be purged.
that you'll miraculously find a remedy (that doesn't involve sleep or cartons of butterpecan).
or at least that you'll come up on some extra cash so that you can treat yourself to evenings out on the town, thus distracting what your heart is doing to you.
and you'll try your darned'est to listen to what logic is whispering into one ear in lieu of what passion is bullhorning into the other...
then you'll probably go back to sleep.