Sunday, March 25, 2007

could i, infact, be a BIZARRE BIRD OF PARADISE....???

about a minute and forty six seconds into this VIDEO
i was really feeling a cuckoo4cocoapuffs kinship
to these beautifullypeculiar dancingbirds.



Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Frozen Yogurt @ Four AM

so, it's like a quarter after 4am and i'm diggin headlong into a carton of Turkey Hill frozen green tea and mango yogurt-- i know, it sounded retarded to me to, but a) out of all the store manufactured teas available, i actually LIKE Turkey Hill green tea, and b) it was on sale when i had groceries delivered like a month ago, so i bought it and tend to actually enjoy it from time to time... ANYWAY. i'm savoring my frozen yogurt and meditating on the Psalms i've taped to my wall in recent weeks, because, let's face it, i'm needing the type of direction that young david scribed in earnest soooooo many years ago. and since i'm RECENTLY feeling like saying as little as possible regarding my current situation to the people around me (indefinately or for the time being), i'm really learning how to allow myself to trust God's direction even when that direction is causing more growing pains than joy unspeakable. but that's not what this blog is about... so anyway, in this real random yet totally sincere and concentrated way, i'm consuming spoonfuls of yogurt to resonate with the verses taped to my wall.

(spoonful)
answer me speedily o Lord, my spirit fails.
for in you i do trust.
cause me to know the way i should walk
for i lift my soul to you...


(spoonful)
i waited patiently for the Lord
& he inclined to me & heard my cry.
he also brought me up out of a horrible pit, out of the miry clay
& set my foot upon a rock & established my steps...

(spoonful)
my soul, wait patiently for God alone
for my expectation is from Him...

(spoonful)
t
he steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord,
& he delights in his way...


(spoonful)
t
he Lord has heard my supplication & will receive my prayer.

(spoonful)
you WILL light my lamp,
the Lord my God WILL enlighten my darkness...
the word of the Lord IS proven.
he IS a shield to all who trust him.
it IS God who arms me with strength
& makes my way perfect.


(spoonful)
You WILL show me the path of Life!
in your presence IS fullness of joy!
at your right hand ARE pleasures forever more!


i'm sayin, for each verse taped to my wall was a yummy spoonful of green tea and mango frozen yogurt (who knew manufactured green tea and mango anything would officially be yummy). and for each spoonful was a yummy truth for me to hang on to at four in the a.m... before i knew it the carton was closer to empty, i'd probably consumed more scripturally edifying yogurt than actual FOOD in the whole of the twentyfour hours passed. ok, not wise or balanced AT ALL, but furreal, i needed sumn to lift my spirit.. and whats better than meditating the promises of God while eating spoonfuls of sugary goodness late in the midnight hour! afterall JULIE ANDREWS CONFIRMED that spoonfuls of sugar, undeniably, help the medicine go down in the most delightful way...!!!



****ok, ok, ok... i can already see people like cwj shakin their heads in utter disdain at my foolish practice of insomniatic-sugar-enhanced-gospel-meditations. sugar is the devil, he says. i know. thats why i brushed my teeth immediately and am now consuming healthy sugarfree water by the gulpfuls.





416
***

so, what does it say about me..

...that i am [feeling like i am] officially ready to put alllll of my creatively glorious musically enhanced dreams and scribed aspirations on HOLD [for like ten/fiften years or whatever] in the name of finding any [reasonable] j.o.b RIGHT NOW that will pay me around/upwards of $65k to generally manage/specifcally assist some exec...



...i'm sayin, if i stack yen now then i can establish myself and get my YANG on in a real way, later (?)....


(.... as pooh would say: oh bother....)

Sunday, March 18, 2007

Call me corny but...

but THESE LYRICS SPEAK
not only to
the essence of my heart
& who i am as a sillygurl of inspired whimsy,
but also to my current predicament,
this stage of QUICK TURNS & TENDER GROWING PAINS,
confirming my sole source of blooming contentment
as i meander through this obstacle course:

The hills are alive
(WITH WHAT????)
with the sound of music
With songs they have sung for a thousand years
The hills fill my heart with the sound of music
My heart wants to sing every song it hears

My heart wants to beat like the wings of the birds
that rise from the lake to the trees
My heart wants to sigh like a chime that flies
from a church on a breeze
To laugh like a brook when it trips and falls over
stones on its way
To sing through the night like a lark who is learning to pray

I go to the hills when my heart is lonely
I know I will hear what I've heard before
My heart will be blessed with the sound of music
And I'll sing once more


---

THESE are the lyrics that comfort me today.
they are, indeed, soooo poignant
illustrating the type of sensibility i ascribe to on this journey.

i've recently said (and am constantly thinking):
that i am living my life
from hilltop to hilltop,
and upon reaching the top of each hill
i tend to find the one thing that never fails my heart
live music in all its glory!!!

it's interesting that when i find myself
in the valley between each hill
i can't even bring myself to turn on the music
i need to survive.
it's such a tender moment-- almost to pain,
and the embrace of silence seemingly does more to help
than allowing the music to carry me to higher ground
(at THAT moment-- i always move past it though...)

but even in THAT,
my heart DOES want to sing

every song that it hears...
(boy, that Rogers & Hammerstein collective
really knew what was up!
& i often do think of the wonder
within the wings of lil'birdies,
and anyone that's taken a neighborhood walk with me
pretty much knows
how much i love
windchimes that hang off of front porches!

i actually have a windchime hanging in my apt
between my bedroom & the living room--

doesn't get very windy in there though so the
only time i hear it is when i bump into it!
my parents have these large chimes
in their backyard though! every time i go to visit
i stand back there ringing them
as if the church bells are tolling some wonderful news!)


this is truly a beautiful song, compañeros!
even if you aren't feelin the movie
(and the splendidness of her royal highness of song
JULIE ANDREWS!)

i pray that the sweet tenderness of these lyrics
resonate with you as it does with lil'o'me'o'mai :)

you have no idea how many times
i've gone to the hills when my heart is lonely,

but that's where i find the melodic breeze
which swirls about refreshing my soul
and propelling me forward like a kite
to my next soaring encounter...

416

Sunday, March 11, 2007

before i went to service this afternoon..

i was planning to write this totally self-depricating blog based on recent circumstances that SEEM to have unexpectedly soured (left a bad taste in my mouth and the mouth of a person i had absolutely NO INTENTIONS of souring--though my heart's apology has been extended & my hope is that though a lil soured, all is not spoiled rotten). anyway, the thoughts had been so heavy on my heart that i jotted them down in my phone on the train ride to church and planned to post it up right here on the walls of my virtual airing room...

but in all of that, i still found my way into the house of the Lord this afternoon, expecting to, at the least, lay my burdens down in a real way, and at the most, find the HOPE that one very much needs in order to keep moving successfully forward on this journey. i know I DO, anyway. and wouldn't you know, i walked right out of there on the WIND of UNDERSTANDING that GOD WILL TRANSFORM any situation you find yourself in to his glory. and i mean, i can't credit all of this inspired revelation solely on today's service, because my parents are my constant seed sewers of hopes and dreams supported, praying wonderful blessings and wisdom and grace into my life on a continual basis. BUT just as they have been very encouraging to me over the past few days--month/my whole life!-- the scriptures and truths they've spoken to me were parallaled and confirmed by what i heard today.

you know how sometimes you go to church and it's something basic that you need to hear as a christian living life in a real way but you're like half listening/half sleep or being distracted by whatever, but then other times you go needing to HEAR something pertaining to YOU and YO'OWN SELF STRUGGLES and you GAIN A TRUE(er) UNDERSTANDING of an answer that very well could've been tailormade by God for you to hear at that very moment... well yeah, that's what today was. A revelation of things i already knew but certainly needed reminding of:
The encouragement to ASK in faith and WALK in faith towards THAT VISION that is already laid out.


Why do i always end up typing wayyy more than i anticipated.....!

I guess my bottom line is that TODAY March 11, 2007 I am asking in faith that the Lord TRANSFORM my current situation. I seem to be standing on the bottom/periphery of the next chapter of my life (undeterred by the past and a bit apprehensive of the future) and though I feel like I recently played my hand wrong, my prayer is that I cannot mistake my way out of my destiny, how it will unfold, or who I will share it with. And that a beautiful, fruitful, forgiving, passionate, unconditionally loving, life-enhancing, world changing destiny is not asking too much and is just the tip of what's to come for me and the brotha who's riding shotgun!

So sunday's prayer is a prayer of FAITH & THANKSGIVING for transforming my current situation into something that is truly indicative of God's fingerprint on MAI LYFE... and the hope for yet another chance at a graceful beginning.

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Friday, March 09, 2007

the best part about change...

is that the story isn't over.
but rather illustrative of
a new sentence, paragraph
or chapter.

time changes on sunday.
spring is just about here.
thank God for the change of season.
Lord knows i'm needing it.
i think i'll fare better
with the changing
of the season.

Sunday, March 04, 2007

an ideal revisted.....

(....i send this out to chuckg for breathing new life into
an ideal long desired....)


Contemplation @ Sweet Rhythm,

7th Ave S and Bleecker

florescent bulbs sway

from the blue-tiled ceiling

of Sweet Rhythm.

i’m lost somewhere

between a hum & some tripped-out fusion

playing over the lively conversation

of new york’s jazz scene—

caught in a midnight daydream,

plotting tall ambition

of how I’ll one day acquire

an enterprise somewhat like

this one here (or

maybe not like this at all.)


taqueist’s question

makes a hot circuit around my mind:

so what DO you wanna be

when you grow up…? he asks

four weeks and a few hours before my twenty

seventh birthday.

(contemplation):

clair huxtable to someone's cliff! i say—

(implication):

except i wont be a lawyer—

i'll own a venue

a'la s.o.b's or village underground,

where i can get a fix

of live salsa (or chips & salsa)

some groovin disco, perhaps a little gospel/reggae,

played on a continual

communal basis—

and all my comrades will have a stage

to call home;

and he won't be a doctor—

but rather a renaissance authority

holding court on the world's stage

or in our backyard…

i want to be mr&mrs hustleman

with mad income property and the likes!!

let’s SOLIDIFY the future of US (we’re supposed

to ensure these things when we grow up!)

& i want us to pay close enough attention

to one another…

(…& exist in the realm

of sweet romance like

overton&synclaire or

niles&daphne or

charles&his barbara)

surely i'll be a mommy

at some point, expanding the mind

of my little one (or my little tribe)

we'll go to the library

or the schomburg, or to summerstage

and shakespeare in the park,

take a holiday excursion

to see the other

six continents…..


damn! he says, i'm in love…


2 April 2006


Thursday, March 01, 2007

i bid ADIEU

2
february 07

i am thankful for its contribution to my growth
and i'm THANKFUL that it has come to an end.


spring is a'comin
spring is a'comin
springspringspring
is
a'COMIN!!!


justbees&things&flowers...
EVERYBODYLOVESTHESUNSHINE!!!!
~Roy Ayers