Monday, December 31, 2007

here i sit

again. on the edge. of a new year. not quite the same wide-eyed gurl. not quite the same big dreams. but still a wide-eyed gurl with big dreams, if it's all the same. and even with the minutiae of change, its always still the same. on this quiet eve, my sentiments perhaps echo those of twelve months back: feelings of gratitude to the Lord above for the blessings of a life well-lived without shadow of tragedy. i saw my family more than others sometimes get to considering we live on different coasts. i bore witness the wedding of my cousin to her beloved and greatly enjoyed, if not completely appreciated the experience of being a part of her bridal party (who knew). i put my warm hands on the full belly of a college friend just days before the newest love of her life made his introduction into the world as we know it. i read coach tony dungy's book, which has left the most significantly precious imprint on my life. i've assisted my own father in creating a [soon to be published] literary work that already is and will be a wonderful contribution to the lives of a generation of husbands and wives. and a dear soul thought enough of a dusty idea that i've had for years to put a spark under my pen and get the first versions of my first children's book story underway.

surely oh-eight will bring about opportunity to nourish the seeds that have been planted thus far. surely there will be more music, more dance. more singing in the shower, more singing on stage. more time to appreciate what i have now. less time to worry about what isn't. more food to eat. more lives to touch. more friends to love. more stamps in my passport. finally taking my flying trapeze lessons. finally got health insurance, let's go to the doctors!!! take care of this tooth that gave me a bit of grief this summer.... take care of myself in better way.

i really don't know what the new year has to offer, and what i will offer in return. but i do believe the nursing of wounded hearts back to health has run its course in oh-seven. so i will look forward, if nothing else, to enjoying what i do the way that i do it, and if someone becomes interested enough to take my hand and walkrundanceswingfloatpray&laugh with me along the journey, by all means you all know what kind of gurl i am!... i'm around.

and so. HERE'S to God's grace in the new year, and ALLLLL that it entails! SELAH.

Sunday, December 23, 2007

(inhale)

eight days til the new year (exhale).
(breath).
(hope).
(pray).
(live).

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Se la vie!

So though some found my cc apr information extremely useful, apparently not all felt that way because I was just called to the principal's office (HR), "reprimanded" and asked not to send empowering messages to everyone in the office again. Apparently it was inappropriate. I say if the info is life changing, take it and shout it from the rooftops! Se la vie! :)

Monday, December 17, 2007

might as well lower that mug!

Message to everyone i know:

So! As I'm sure most, if not all of us have personal credit card debt that affects our daily lives (and wallets), I wanted to encourage you to take a proactive step in lowering your current APR rate (unless, of course, it's currently zero then by all means, disregard)!

Today I thought about the fact that my zero percent rate was going to expire soon, so (just for fun!) I called up my CC company to ask if they would extend the zero percent interest rate for a few months. The APR specialist agreed that this was a good idea, but said he wasn't able to extend the zero percent rate for me. He DID, however, offer to look into the significantly low promotional rates and offered me a 3% rate on all new purchases, noting that there are rates sometimes as low as 1% and when this one expires I can ask for another low promo rate! So, knowing that the difference between having a 3% rate as opposed to a 10% - 19% rate (as most people have) or higher can mean a world of tangible savings, I thought I'd at least pass the information on to those who want to call their own CC companies and ask for the lowest rate and/or fixed rate available today! ESPECIALLY considering the significant amount of CC purchases during this time of the year!

OH! I know some of you have heard this before, which I had as well, but there's a big difference between knowing and making it happen! Word!! Anyway, Happy Holidays and here's to being smart about throwing money away on interest! :)

Cheers,

-Mai!


Wednesday, December 12, 2007

and why am i just walking in from the OFFICE

8:30AM - 2:00AM 17.5 tryin to finish a project.... (sigh) the only other option was to quit. and have the team of individuals leaving for austin a few hours to present the information i was working on SOL. and neither one of those seemed like the right option. thus, getting home minutes before 3AM. Lord, I don't wanna get used to this.

Thursday, December 06, 2007

i claim to not be a morning person

but as much as i love my last ounces of last minute drifting (knowing that in waking up at 25 past the hr of seven leaving only one hr and thirty minutes to shower find something adequate and warm to wear catch the train i hope is not delayed and be in the executive office to get mr. lewis his coffee), i am really quite enchanted by the early rays of quiet sunlight that peek in each morning. its surprising that i'm even starting to look forward to these intoxicating moments, when i can't wait to say "good morning, Lord", when foggy state of mind registers that morning is tapping on my forehead. it's like the angels slice open a piece of honey orange flavored candy each morning and drip the gooey goodness through my blinds to flavor my walls. its what 'morning glory' is really supposed to be. ~416~

OMG

Grey's Anatomy has me totally on pins and needles in suspended time and suspense.
i can't believe someone has written this. i wish that one day i write something that touches this deeply.

Wednesday, December 05, 2007

You'll be surprised

at what you are offered when you go by the IT dept JUST to say GOOD MORNING with a smile :) ...all i gotta say is that I'm looking for space for my new speakers!!

Friday, November 30, 2007

I NEVER REALIZED...

...that Dr. King delivered his "I Have A Dream" speech at the March on Washington on the same date that young Emmitt Till had been lynched. connection? :/

Thursday, November 29, 2007

i NEVER knew...

that i actually LIKE nbc's
The Office...


but i think i just laughed out loud
from the bottom of my belly.

Sunday, November 25, 2007

Lamentation

The preacher this evening said that sometimes deliverance is attained through pain and suffering, sometimes through God's silence. It strengthens our trust and faith in the Lord, he said.

The introduction to Lamentations says the best way to survive grief is to express it, with others and God. Says that their is therapeutic value in working through each aspect of grief, hurt, sorrow, and fear. Says that sorrow and pain, especially as it relates to sin, is a part of God's discipline and has to be accepted in patience, with the realization that it will end when God's will has been accomplished. It's restorative, it says.

And still Jehovah Shalom finds more to whisper, as I am reminded of a praise song of the 3rd chapter of Lamentations from my childhood:

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases
his mercies never come to an end
they are new every morning
new every morning
Great is the faithfulness, oh Lord,
Great is thy Faithfulness.

and the most comfort comes from my own father's wise sentiment of encouragement echoing from the page in a timely fashion:

Time is the main healer of a broken-heart. After acceptance and forgiveness (both are necessary), you begin to take control over life again. Each day you gain small victories in the healing process. Just when you are sure that you have gotten over it, something happens to spur a memory, a feeling and the pain hits you again. Don't worry. You are not having a relapse. If you loved someone, it is only natural that the pain of the breakup will reoccur from time to time. But, in time, it will reoccur less and less. Then, eventually not at all. You will be able to see the person without any pain, anger, disappointment or feelings of loss. Eventually you will get past all of the pain...

And so. I love the Lord because he hears my voice, my cry, and all of my supplications.
and answers abound.

BEing

[i know that] growing pains are inevitable. necessary even. to filling out the dimensions of ones existence. remedying those pains have been the hardest thing i've had to figure out this year. spent more silent moments in the past eleven months than (i guess) i anticipated. i do talk to God a lot. try not to question. make a point to give thanx and praise. question. petition for the welfare of others. read. listen. learn how to not anticipate, but be. silence is daunting sometimes, so i find a song to bask in. talk to God some more until i sleep. sleep. sleep. wake up and wonder (because things are just weird right now. so i wonder.) and in the middle of it all, i live and laugh and love. work. but it's still all very weird at the moment.

i want to do a better job at this next year. this getting over, getting through, reaching higher ground, BEing. naturally you only really have each day you're in, so i guess i want to do better today. and maybe i am. in documenting my growing pains, i can look back and be thankful that i am no longer there. i will.... or perhaps no longer look back at all.

(oh well... time to get ready for church...)

Friday, November 23, 2007

this is me

getting used to working on a friday night (on a project that's due next thursday) because, quite frankly, i just don't feel like doing or seeing anyone else at the moment (not that i was particularly asked)... i would go to sleep but, ((sigh)) i've slept enough today. (what happened to that gurl that used to shut the party down dancing from 11pm on friday night until a quarter to 5am...? maybe i'll find her. next yr.) there's work to be done.

and the bottomline is...

"No matter where you go, you take your attitude with you. And that's what makes [LIFE] terrible or wonderful." (might i ad: for me, or the people i subject that attitude to.)

Thursday, November 22, 2007

and to the Nelson's of Bedstuy...

...my boss Monique's lovely parents, i am eternally grateful for them and their extended collective of loved ones and old friends, for their priceless display of holiday love, laughter and graciousness. i'm so full i can't stand it. full of food. full of gratitude. full of new memories. and full of hope that perhaps my future will be just as bright here in bedstuy in part to my own personal well fortune and accumulated loved ones.


~416~

nice

what i've learned about being nice:

people are nice out of obligation (sometimes)
guys are nice because they had a proper upbringing,
not because they want to pursue something more with you (most times)
if you are nice to a fault, it will be taken advantage of
(at some point)
and you won't necessarily desire mustering up
the wherewithall to activate your innervengeance
and lash out at deserving individuals
(or business owners, at rare times)

.

today i'm just a little sad
thankful, but blue
thankfully blue
i love all the colors i seem to be
and though this shade of blue often hurts more than i care for
and provides more tears than are probably necessary
it is what it is. it is what i am.
i can put it off on my
usual suspect, scapegoat:
emotions run amuck due to the monthly cycle of wretched hormones.
and the (slight yet valid) emergence of
theghostofsummer2006 in the last week (and its not even christmas)

iwantedtoprovetomyself
that it is okay..
.to be friends
.that what i desired didn't flourish
.to take people for what they're willing to be
.to either be alone and miss someone or see them in hopes that your over them
.to look forward to a good thing with someone else

so now (again) i'm plagued with the confounded task
of being okay with this whole pathetic thing

(i must admit, i do feel somewhat better now that i've
graffiti'd this onto these walls instead of letting it
fester about in my brain for the next few hours/days/weeks/years...)

((quick prayer: Lord, please don't let years pass before i'm passed this))

**maybe at some point today i'll get out of my bed, shower,
and go be proactively thankful somewhere outside of my apartment

***maybe i'll stay home, make pancakes, and look forward to Ugly Betty and Gray's Anatomy tonight! i love pancakes!

(for now i'm going back to sleep... i woke up way too early today.)

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

wisdom of the day

I have been
walking
slow lately.

Yes,
getting things done
but
walking slow,
enjoying
& observing
the scenery.
Life is so beautiful
when we

are
aware of the present.
We are
so
in a haste
to be in
the future
or woddle
in our
tears of the past
that we
miss it
totally.
Then when a sage enlightens,
we are
so
complacent
in our habits
that it's hard
to
"be now".


-from Webb to Lyfe

~416~

Monday, November 12, 2007

finished JUST in the knick of time!

POEM ALEXANDER

for brandy alexander and kashala erby alexander, on their wedding day—
10 November 2007

let's pretend your journey here
never quite began
pretend he never saw you, thinkin': man, she's kinda fly
pretend she wasn't digging
this cute, artsy new guy
pretend you both didn't feel that spark
when you really looked in each other's eyes
pretend that the total vibe wasn't a complete surprise

imagine if one of you had decided to keep it moving
decided to leave your meeting point
simply at—hello…
decided to pass on the slim chance
that maybe this chance wasn't slim at all,
but the onset of your opportunity
to welcome love for the long haul
imagine if you never resolved
that the two of you would get it RIGHT!
or if you allowed certain obstacles
to eclipse lifelong delight

you didn't get hung up on any differences,
but wrapped your arms around the sameness
tossing aside any preconceived plans
you found the mutual to embrace
and place in the palm of your hands

you found infatuation and ran with it
grabbed affection and danced with it
uncovered enchantment and basked in it
stirred up amusement and laughed with it
aroused passion and sang with it
discovered joy and welcomed it
captured adoration and cuddled it
exposed vulnerability, quite comfortable with it

took undeniable chemistry generating new life
to now establish this journey as husband and wife

Friday, November 09, 2007

in less then thirty six hours...

i'm sposed to have this poem done for the wedding..... you know, the one i've tried to write for the past year but am just getting inspiration to work on RIGHT NOW. :/ believe me, i'm not amused either..............

Monday, October 22, 2007

Highs and lows...

HIGH

Being well-received on your first day of a new job
that will potentially open more doors
than you could ever imagine...


LOW

Having to go to the ER after work
as a result of delayed pain from hitting your forehead on a low-beam
and falling backwards down three-to-four cement steps in a dimly lit cafe cellar
less than 48 hours before your first day at the new job.

Saturday, October 20, 2007

and this is what progression looks like

I'm not even sure I believed that folx could apply to a job online at, say, Monster.com and actually end up gainfully employed... I mean I know the whole network is set up in order aid and assist the road to employment and all things related. But as far as me and the way things have unfolded in my life, I've tended to think that submitting a resume on Monster.com or any other employment search engine would yield a minimum return, if anything. More like tryin to find true love on Match.com, they say it happens, and people claim that they've found it, but I mean it's not for me. So imagine my surprise, when i get a random call from a company saying that they'd received my resume from Monster and inquiring if I was still seeking employment. Fast fwd a couple of months later and I was asked to interview... and three weeks after that, I've officially been asked to become the newest Account Coordinator for a PR agency called Uniworld Group!

Uniworld is one of, if not the oldest black-owned and operated PR and Marketing agencies in the country, founded by chairman and CEO Byron Lewis in 1969... i'll be working for him and execs in the communications and entertainment department. I'm pretty stoked... This is a very lucrative opportunity and I almost can't believe it's here, though I am ready. I mentioned it to a friend that's a bit older than me, and his response was "Oh you're going to work for Uniworld??? I know people that have been able to buy houses as a result of working for them!!" I said, I'LL TAKE IT! :D

God is good..... this has been a long time coming, but divinely ordered and divinely timed.

Between last Friday's evening of perfection with the honorable JG and this Friday's official job offer to a job that will change my life, and everything that has happened in between... this has been one of the best weeks of 2007. Word.


~416~

Saturday, October 13, 2007

people are wearing coats now...

it's officially COLD.
(and i can't say that i'm terribly pleased about it, i don't care if it is mid-october.)

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

nina



said
I've got my boobies...

I wonder if she knew how powerful that would be
during Breast Cancer Awareness Month.

Tuesday, October 09, 2007

two completely unrelated quotes that spoke to me today

I'm just a girl standing in front of a boy asking him to love her.
-Anna Scott to William Thacker in Notting Hill.

---
Sometimes we can do everything right and still not find ourselves in favorable positions. I think that's why the Bible says that after we've done all that we can, we have to continue to stand.
-words of wisdom to me from Jamal.

Sunday, October 07, 2007

To MARCUS AKIBA!!!!

ps
HAPPPPPY BIRTHDAY TO
THE BEST BIG BROTHER IN THE WORLD!!!!!!!!!
i love you shawty!

ATL is all love...

a girlfriend from college turned 30 today and is 9 months pregnant with her second child. The baby, he's due in two weeks(!), so we been lovin'up on her big big big ole belly the whole weekend!!!!! There was the birthday party last night via stretch limo (at what is now my FAVORITE restaurant in Atlanta, Rare - Sorry R.Thomas, but don't sleep on the soulfood tapas! The tilapia & plaintains, and chicken & waffles were the absolute bomb diggety!!!) and a VEGAS STYLE (until she found out she was pregnant Kacee planned on having her 30th in Vegas!) BABYSHOWER today (don't trip! You ain't seen a babyshower til you've seen a Vegas Baby Shower! I told the planner she needs to patent that joint!), and a lotta laughin and eatin in between......

man, some folx forget that this is what life's all about....

gotta love it!

meanwhile,

this weekend has further proven (eeeeeeven more) my desire, or lack thereof, to NOT have kids. i mean, i maintain that whatever happens (pertaining to giving birth) in ten years (or so) happens, but this whole inundation of babies and toddlers runnin around and pregnancy tiredness and bellies stretched to the max and kid conversation and finding out how often babies go through diapers, let alone how much they cost! My $.99 Cent Store-shopping-behind thought you could get diapers for like $5, Kacee laughed like, OBVIOUSLY you ain't got no babies!!!!!!

The kicker, though, was during the babyshower, when three moms got into this long dry drawnout conversation about their toddlers at daycare and the woes of them not being able to play with their lil favorite stuffed animals during classtime.... us three single gurls snapped out of our blank stares and promptly found reasons to excuse ourselves from the vicinity of the conversation! Like, "Gurl, do you need me to throw your plate away???" "Oh nooooo gurl, I got it! I need to get up and stretch my legs anyway! But THANK YOU!" and then we all three somehow ended up outdoors while one took a smoke... and I don't even smoke! HAH!!!!

but it was all love, and naturally BJ (Brad Jr.) got HOOOOOOKED UP! (as babies always do!) with his lil Puma booties!!!! Stylin out the womb!

well....
Reality is waiting for me back in Brooklyn...... (yay.)
It's been so nice, but i really go have to get back to my life. figure out what is going on. find some progression in work and or love and or cleaning up my apartment before the year is out. 2007 has been real......... interesting.

ps i really ate waaaaaayyy too much this weekend... isn't there a bridesmaid gown i have to fit into in a few weeks????? (((yoinks)))

~416~

Monday, October 01, 2007

"She go say, 'I BE LADY-O!'"


Music As A Weapon
Fela Tribute @ The Shrine in Harlem
29 September 2007


IF YOU CALL A WOMAN
AFRICAN WOMAN

NO GO 'GREE
SHE GO SAAAAAY

SHE GO SAY
I BE LADY-O!

LADY
~FELA 'ANIKULAPO' KUTI

Thursday, September 27, 2007

Ba-RACK STAR!!!!!








THE HOPE-MONGER
Washington Square Park Rally
27 September 2007

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

on dreams unfolding:





who, out of all my imaginary friends that read my blog,
remembers this post?

well if you do then THE FACT that i did my
VERY FIRST PRINT MODELING GIG

((get it shawty, get it shawty!!))
(THANX TO THANDO KAFELE- who is now officially my stylist,
and RODNEY SIEUX, who thought i was pretty enough
to recommend me for the shoot)
for two major hair publications TODAY (as in yesterday)

is a real testament that
praying/affirming/believing
that your dreams are in fact unfolding
before your very eyes
are crucial to them actually
UNFOLDING!

God showed me favor on the set too!
(i got there last, probably weighed the most,
definitely had the most flawed skin,
but got the most love out of all the other models
doing four changes for clothes and hair
and was done and out of there
before the other two models even finished-
God bless 'em!!)

and though there's no way for me to determine

what the next step will be
or the possibilities for further career opps
THE TRUTH OF THE MATTER IS
i'm ALWAYS down for ride!!!!!!

Amel Larrieux said it best:
I've got infinite possibilities
I can see them now.....

WORD.

ps i just have to mention the backhanded compliment
i got from the clothes designer:

{to the makeup artist}
OH MY LOOK AT HER, YOU ARE GOD!
SHE'S BEAUTIFUL!!!!!

{makeup artist}
there's only one God, and it ain't me, honey...

{clothes designer}
NO REALLY
WHEN SHE CAME IN SHE LOOKED LIKE
CINDERELLA'S WICKED STEPSISTER
NOW SHE LOOKS LIKE MISS UNIVERSE,
LIKE TEN MILLION BUCKS!!!!

{me}
I definitely need ten million bucks right now, brotha!

{clothes designer}
Oh, so you can get lyposuction(?)??
(the funny thing is, he wasn't even clowning,
he was quite sincere with that particular question...)

and i didn't even
give him the screwface!!
I just looked at him and smiled,
and he smiled and walked away.
Oddly enough,
he had me model four of his fits,
so apparently he thought my extra meat
looked decent enough in his creations!
i'm just sayin....
my people, my people...!

WHAT'A DAY!!!!!!!!!!

~416~

Saturday, September 22, 2007

you KNOW you wanted to order

one of these!
yet my brother could out dance
alfonso ribero anyday!

Thursday, September 20, 2007

Sad Doll says:

my ipod is missing :(
are you hiding it from me?
if so, it's not funny. GIVE IT BACK.
if not, can you help me find it
or buy me a new one.

this sux.
big time.
no music to breathe in.
i'm having a hard time accepting this.
i've been looking for three hours now.
in places it'd never be.
hoping to see it smiling up at me.

i'm having a hard time with this one.
that was a gift from Daddy.
it said For Maisha. just like that.
i'm going to sleep.

(and by going to sleep i mean
i'm going to continue looking for it
when i awaken. surely it's still in this apt.)

Monday, September 17, 2007

if i could just get to understanding this right here, i think i'd do a little better right now:

Everything
in life
is
a matter of
TIMING.


--Don Henly, drummer of The Eagles
Rolling Stone Magazine

~416~

....................

i'm quite tired of interviews.

Friday, September 14, 2007

there are FOUR of albert erby's gurls in my house right now!!!!!


AND
IT
FEELS
SOOOOOOO
GOOD!!!!!!!!


ps.... one of them just said, "And like Oprah says....."

HAHAHAHA this weekend is gonna be HILARIOUS!



update: 9/17/07
this has been the craziest weekend i've had
in a very long time.
sisters...booooooooy.

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

a yr ago today..

i went to chicago for the first time, with spring llc.

the next day we hosted the pop-jazz live tour at this swanky art museum by the water.

the whole ordeal was half/a dream come true, half/a nightmare.

i didn't see much of chicago and the next day i flew home.

you picked me up from the airport, waved goodbye to cheryl pepsii riley (one of the tour's background singers) and brought me home to brooklyn.


i may have made pancakes or something in gratitude for your thoughtfulness in offering to come from staten island to pick me up. (i was known to make pancakes fairly often during that time.)

after a while, you said yesterday was my birthday. which blew me away because we'd chatted "yesterday" and i didn't realize that it had been your day.

so, if i remember correctly, that means tomorrow will again be your day.

----
i woke up this morning in somewhat of a clouded memory montage- the kind that you see in movies.... the kind i used to be sentimentally joyful and foolish (read: happy) about, and i couldn't shake it. it made me quite teary for the first hour or so i was awake (which tends to happen less often, i suppose) so i laid there in a nostalgic mist.... guess i'll consider this sincere moment to be (in its own way) celebrating someone who's meant a lot to me in significant ways. it seems to be the most that i'm able to do, but i hope that a proper celebration finds you tomorrow.

Monday, September 10, 2007

am i trippin or WHAT????!!!!!!


so i'm cleaning up
getting ready for thursday's Erby Invasion
(ie ma&3 of her five sisters!)
and i'm going through months upon months
of junk mailings and bank statements
that i haven't opened yet


and


lo'&behold
i come across what i THINK is a voided check stub from Spring
but i open and look at it
and it doesn't say VOID
anywhere on the face of the check.

i think
hmmmmmm
like, SURELY this is not a check
that i neglected to cash back in March.
so i go find some other check stubs from Spring
ALL OF WHICH SAY VOID
(as i had direct deposit when I worked there)
and go back and look at this check again
that's dated 3/21/07
(about a month after i stopped working there)
for a lil more than $300
and it does not say VOID
which means....

a) I'm going directly to Washing Mutual when I wake up
b) My school loan payment will be paid this month
c) I REALLY NEGLECTED to cash this puppy before I left for Texas
d) ALL OF THE ABOVE

REGARDLESS
God is good
& always provides. & is
RIGHT ON TIME.

meanwhile,
I also found a $300 gift card
that I need to call about in the AM
to verify that I can, in fact, cash in and use
to pay maybe the cable bill!


GEEZ.
i need to spend more time opening mail.

~416~

i don't mind so much that my assignment with hunter roberts ended...



...i'm not exactly sure
i was willing to be in the area of WTC
come Tuesday 9/11-07.

not that i think anything is going to happen,
just really didn't want to be in the area.


~416~

Sunday, September 09, 2007

i'm in a complete reverie right now listening to al jarreau...

and engrossed in the websites of the two gentlemen I met tonight at
The Shrine uptown tonight...

Phillip Harvey is the publisher of Nat Creole magazine.
It's intoxicating (as is he!)
there are a few people affiliated with the publication that i know,
i've come to find out after doing some light research.
and so i've decided that
I NEED TO BE INVOLVED.
so stay tuned.

Jimmy Black is the artist.
His work reminds me of
Africobra
only not. It's straight him, and I love it.
he also designs womens clothing.
i can't wait to wear one of his
original dresses!

lastly,
I'm going to be a part of a
tribute to Fela Kuti
later this month!!!!

One of the queens, dancing and singing!!
a show produced by the honorable Joe Rodman
at The Shrine,
my new favorite uptown destination!!!

I'm so excited!
I LOVE my life.

~416~

i LOVE my block!!!!



i'd really love to type a detailed list
of WHY i'm so enthralled with my lovely block here

BUT

it's 3:37 AM
i just got home
& i need to go to sleep.

but just know that not a day goes by
that i dont thank the Lord Almighty
that I get to live here
and i tell him that I never want to leave

(i, infact, want to move into that lovely
1.7 million dollar cosby show brownstone
across chauncey.
but alas, in due time...
in due time.)


~416~

Thursday, September 06, 2007

chaney's in madrid right now....


"got bored", he said...
and booked a ticket two weeks ago.
he's been shopping and is on his way
to el museo de prado.



i'm jealous.
i want to go to madrid on a whim.

Sunday, September 02, 2007

tonight, after about a month (or close to it)

i'm tryin to let on that i'm neither angry nor sad about having to say goodbye.
most nights i'm neither.


not that it matters.


i made the mistake, though, of looking at old photographs.
sighed. started to frown. rolled my eyes... closed the folder. didn't delete them, though....


didn't delete them.
{sigh}........{headshake} ....i don't get it. {just breath....wipe tear if necessary}

at some point, it won't matter.

Saturday, September 01, 2007

to the brothers Hypnotic



listening to you is like
listening to a slice
of hbcu heaven...




~416~

Thursday, August 30, 2007

WORD.


For the vision
is yet
for the appointed time;
It hastens toward the goal
and it will not fail.
Though it tarries, wait for it;

For
it will
certainly come,

it will not delay.

~416~

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

doesn't this just sound like me!


formerly comparative musicology, is cultural musicology or the study of music in its cultural context. Formed from the Greek words ethnos (nation) and mousike anthropology or ethnography of music. Jeff Todd Titon has called it the study of "people making music".

i mean, thats what i do NOW... i run around new york city studying the musicians i love. i analyze how they play. what was different this time from the last time. what is his signature bass line? at what point is he going to go into his chicago style or new orleans style of playing on keys? if he's studied in ghana and he's studied in turkey, but they're both drummers affected by the style of max roach, then how will their own individual styles be similar or differ... what makes them GO IN (into the zone/ the pocket) like that? why is kompa, zook, and morna so infectious? when can i travel the world and find out what else is musically out there????

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.......

eth-no-musi-cology&me.

well... we'll see what happens...
(there's just soooooooo much to do with one's life!)


~416~

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

as the words came...

your K
for cwj

she wasn’t mine
but i hold her as dear
as if she were

didn’t grieve her then
but miss her now
with you

will never know her laugh, her grin
but celebrate her
in my own

i grab your nose, and love it
for her,
though it brings me joy

the marvel you found in her
is the delight she found
in having you

to struggle her loss
is to champion her being
having been

been here
been here with you
been here with you just as you are,
just as you are. because of her.

you are, because she was.
she is, because you are.
for her.

Monday, August 27, 2007

so in writing the vision and making it plain....

i'm planning on having Ella Phantz-Gerald: The Jazz Singing Elephant illustrated and published, then having a narrated/live jazz version of it recorded with a name-artist to correspond with the book release, then (or concurrently) have an animation version of it produced as a feature length film, then have a staged musical version of it produced on Broadway, then have other versions of the staged musical produced in different countries for many years to come (like Tevye in "Fiddler on the Roof" which made it's debut in 1964 and is still touring the world and warming hearts in packed houses)....

THEN have a sequel/spinoff based off of Langston Blues's backstory...and start the whole process all over again!

THHEEENN have a 30 min cartoon series based on the adventures of Ella and Langston....


THHHEENNN pay off all my educational debt and buy that $million.7 brownstone across the street from me on Stuyvesant Avenue and post up! then buy my parents another house and my brother and niece a condo somewhere really nice :)

THHHEEEENNNN invest the rest so it turns into some REAL money.

and then really start doing what i want to do.
(which is live somewhere inside the music.)


~416~

something about you..

...made me smile today.



ps L-O-V-Ed Grandma's Boy--
hence the
"ice cream sandwich on whole wheat&lettuce"
text.
(can never go wrong with a
happymadison production)

meanwhile,
2K7 is here for you.
but you'll make it.


post postscript:
i'm stuck in an office building most days
during which i walk about with a

Sunny Bridges
-type-of gait
to keep myself amused...
(i wonder if i'm the only one
in the office who thinks i'm a cartoon?)




(((neo-soul these)))

Thursday, August 23, 2007

Dear Lord...




is THIS how miracles unfold???

(cause things are getting real interesting
and it's gotta be because of You...)

(meanwhile, thank you.)

.amen.

~416~

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

And i may change my mind but...



i think
i may have decided
yesterday afternoon
that i will be venturing into
doctoral study
by the fall of '08.

(the second decision
i've made this month
that i did not anticipate making..)

(..and i really may change my mind--

but at least i have it documented here
that i'm actively considering this path.)

and as DAUNTING as
obtaining a DOCTORATE seems
at this point
(and probably for the duration of the journey)

today
i am quite comfortable
with this decision.


word.
(ethnomusicology: to be exact)


i need to go study.


~416~

Monday, August 20, 2007

Correction:



he said, ...see you later, mai.

i took it to mean: goodbye.

though
i think i'm the one who really said
goodbye.

i've never said it before. don't know if i really meant it.

but i was lookin at
Diary of a MadBlackWoman
last night on TBS
(first time ever seeing it, or any tylerperry movie for that matter)
and there's a scene where shamar moore's character, Orlando says:

you don't get it, do you?
you can't just
BE
friends
with the person you love.
---

anyway, at some point
i've got to stop relating
EVERYTHING
i see in movies
to my own life/self/existence.

---

i think for right now
i'll just wrap up in these wings of mine to keep warm
maybe hibernate through autumn, winter
and know that i'll take flight when the time is right.


~416~

Sunday, August 19, 2007

the art of self-sufficiency...

when you can no longer call on
the one you'd normally call
to come and help you

you just figure out
what that person might have done
and fix the situation
yourself.


so i broke my computer power cord adapter off into the power socket the other day... my laptop had slipped of my bed onto the floor (dont ask me how) right onto the side where the power cord goes in. when i picked it up and fidgeted around, the cord was basically severed and the piece was still in the socket. so now, i officially had 97% battery time left, but i knew it'd be draining fast so i turned it off and considered my options (none of which included calling a certain *someone for help). so i sat down at my desktop and thought, well what would he do anyway? which led me to look up the #s on the back of the severed adapter and see what i could see. taking the random series of #s i went to Google and entered them with my computer model, and wouldn't you know, i found myself right in his territoty: Ebay, with a couple of the adapters I needed being auctioned off...

fast fwd a day or so later, i needed to actually win the bid on my coveted adapter before i could do anything else... long story short, i again thought, what was it he said about bidding on here (cause i'm totally NOT the Ebay aficionado that i know him to be).. wait to the last minute and bid in the last few seconds... and wouldn't you know, i actually got the best low bid in at the very last second! i mean i cut it so close to the wire that i thought the auction had timed out before i got my price in, but nope! in came the email that i'd won the adapter!!!

the next step was to figure out where or who could get this piece out of my laptop so that when the adapter arrived I could plug it up and start charging again... I took it to BestBuy they said it'd be $85 just to LOOK at it (that was out!) I called a couple of other mom'n'pop computer places, they never called me back. I took it to the IT dept at my job, he didn't have a feasible solution... meanwhile, the adapter arrived within days and i spent the rest of the week just thinking about how i was gonna get the rest of the problem rectified.

so by friday night, i was like this is enough, i'm just gonna get the piece out myself... he's always fixing things, so i can figure out how to fix THIS... thinking, if i'm gonna have to spend $85 for BestBuy to look at it, i might as well give 'em sumn to work with (in the event i just made the situation worse!)

SO i grabbed a sharp seam-ripper, some long needles, and a couple of knives and started praying as i picked at the piece until it started to come unwedged out of the socket.. now it was NOT easy by any stretch of the imagination. i had to use nimble fingers to gingerly ease it out, and a couple of times i'd even made progress only to push it back down in there! broke the seam-ripper! got all kind of scratches around the powercord area of my computer.. but guess what....

I GOT IT OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!

so now as i candidly recount my experience (using my charging laptop)


i'm thankful for
observation and growth and learning how to
figure things out on my own,
in my own time...



now if i could just figure out how to deal with bugs...... YIKES :(
that, my dear friends, may take more than prayer (try therapy!)



*ps ...if you're reading this wondering how i've been, know that i'm doing well. silly-o-edamame eatin'-fraser watchin'-me. don't get as many text messages as i used to, but my verizon bill is probably thankful for that :) anyway....... ur in my thoughts (sometimes), and still positively affecting me in countless ways. so thank you. hope you're well.

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

if you think losing your phone is bad, try losing your daughter.....

message to nytano:

You know when i saw you in the train station earlier today I just happened to be helping this lady find her daughter she'd just lost! it was crazy cause i work at wfc and happened to walk down to wall and broadway for no apparent reason cause i never take the train down there right. and i was like dag, i gotta ride one stop up to fulton so that i could catch the A back to brooklyn. And the train i got on happened to be where this lady was like "i lost my daughter, we got separated at fulton...." so a couple of people were like "oh hope you find her, just go to the other side..." but she was saying its her second day in nyc and everything.. so i showed her the other side but she was getting all distressed so i had her talk to the mta worker who told her to go to the other side as well, and then i went down to the A so i could come home.. so then I see her down by the A looking for her daughter almost in tears walkin fast calling out to her, so i was like "Miss, let me take you back to the 4 train where you got separated.. i'll stay with you til you find her..." so she was all in tears and didn't know where to look, so i told her to try and call the daughter on her cell phone to see if she'd answer. the daughter answered and said she was sittin on a bench in the subway.. THAT'S when i passed by you, we were going down the platform looking to see where she was sitting... and she ended up dropping a bottle of wine she had bought earlier and was carrying in her bag on the platform and everything, but her daughter was down at the end, on the bench... CHILLIN!

hahaa.... so anyway, i made sure they got back to bk where they were staying, and it felt good be in in the right place at the right time...

so how was your day??? :D hahahahaaa

Later,
Mai!


----

nytano's message back:

Yo, that is the craziest story. I had a feelng something was going on, that's why I let u slide with the quick wave..lol. honestly i thought she was crying over the spilled wine.. I thinking "damn" over the wine? But ok, crying over the kid makes sense. I had no idea u were a part time superhero, good stuff though.. u give hope to humanity, lol.

God really is lookin out for me when I ain't even lookin out for myself...!

so i lost my phone last night. AGAIN. at the Anita Baker concert (that changed my life, but that's another story)! i was on cloud nine, genuinely happy, wanting nothing. in my element and moved to tears in the thick of it all from beginning to end, three'hunnid'65 days of the yeeaarr, and when i got to the car, my phone was gone...

and i almost panicked.
but instead i started
praying.

Lord i need that phone back. period.
Please Lord, gotta get the phone back.
i don't know how i lost it, but i know you can find it.
period. show me where it is, and thank you.


and i was sittin in the car with June April
like, i gotta go back to Wingate field to look for it.
and she said, aiight we'll go but let me call it first just to make sure it's not in your bag.
she calls the phone, my phone doesn't buzz in my bag, i jump out the car like
gotta go find it, Lord. period.

so i'm halfway down the block when June calls after me like
WAIT UP! someone found your phone,
he called back i'm talkin to him now!
Officer Holland, he said he's by the stage now!


I'm like YO! THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKIN' ABOUT!!!!
THANK YOU LORD!!!!!!! YOU KNOW THATS WHATSUP!!!


so we're walkin walkin walkin fast tryin to find Officer Holland
asking mad other officers if they know him, they're like Uhhh no...
So June calls my phone again and I see him answer, so I run up to him like
HERE I AM!!!!!!!!!!!!! and June runs up and gives him a big bear hug,
which i follow suit, and we have him totally embraced in a big thankful hug!!!!

Officer Holland said,
Yeah i was walking through the grass picking up trash
and i stopped right in front of your phone
when it started to buzz and light up!
So I picked it up and answered!

God is good!
I have my phone!
and Anita Baker changed my life!!!


~416~

Friday, August 10, 2007

my 100th posting brings yet another change in season.



i was going to say the
same thing.....

he said,

...goodbye, mai.





416

Sunday, August 05, 2007

Today's spectrum of emotion.

the HIGH:

spending hours in the atlantic
riding waves like only a champion mermaid would
(save for a few boogie board wipe outs... but my body surf game
was NICE!)

flying dj uncle mikes huge psychedelic kite
(i'm talkin close to 1000 ft high!)

getting a free ride back to the city
then coming off the train to a dj playing
disco classic,
It's A Love Thang
(in the park across the street from my house
at 8'o'clock at night!
of course i dropped my stuff and
IMMEDIATELY
got my funky two step on!!!)

(those are some great HIGHS
wouldn't you agree
Ladies & Gentlemen!)

{applause}

the LOW:

getting dolled up
(when i didn't really want to
cause i was drained from the day)
to meet a friend that
DID NOT
SHOW UP.
(@ least not by 1:15am
when i finally bounced.)

(sidebar: there are certain things that i don't wear that often
with the reasoning that i'd maybe like to wear them out
on a date with a nice guy.
but since i don't get asked out on dates by nice guys
-well rarely anyway-
i've started wearing them just when i go out period,
you know, things that i think
are particularly smashing.
tonight was one of those night.
thought it'd be nice to get DRESSED.
it was just waste of good energy.
consequently,
the bouncer @ the establishment i went to
took the opportunity to point out that i,
in fact,
did not look as smashing as i thought,
but rather SKINNY
and suggested i not wear all black anymore.
so.... yeah)

the LOW #2

being reminded while listening to one of my favorite Wham! songs
I Think You're Amazing
that the person i think is amazing
very well may not think that i am just as amazing.
(and if so, isn't always willing to let me know
so whats the point,
i still feel crappy about it.)


i'm deliriously tired now and
am fading into a deep sleep shadowed by a high wave...

Sunday, July 29, 2007

Saturday, July 21, 2007

Twice this week

during two different conversations, two different individuals
have mentioned how LOWERING ones expectations
can save one from a lot of disappointment.


and though i'm not sure how
beneficial or detrimental
this would be in my own life circumstances


i'm wondering if the
LOWERING
of my expectations in this particular situation
(the one of which i'm always speaking)
will be the smartest move,


or will the disappointment
(from the lack of lowering)
serve as timely indication that i'm finally reaching
my breaking point?


hmmmm...

Thursday, July 19, 2007

Hard day at work???




Watch THIS...
(i dare you NOT TO feel better!!!)



~416~

Sunday, July 15, 2007

the 13 hour turnaround...

got on the chinatown bus yesterday, took the longest five hours EVER to get to dc.

got to dc right in time to make it to the Studio Theater and into my seat before the house manager gave it away.

spent a very adultlike eight hours in the Dirty District that involved the theatre, dinner with college girlfriends at a trendy thai restaurant, going back to the hotel to act silly while we changed, making an appearance at the show after party (and getting caught up to speed with more old friends that i haven't seen in seven years), spending two hours looking for parking in the popular and over-populate Adams Morgan, then dancing with my three girlfriends til we were pretty much ready to go....

still amazed that Adams Morgan's cup runneth over with throngs of party-goers and lookieloos, i realized that at 2:45am I still had enough time to get back to 5th and H to catch the 3:30am bus back to NYC.... so we got on the goodfoot to get me to the bus depot.

and finally, at the end of my 13 hour turnaround (5 getting there, 8 actually spent there) i run right into Uncle G standing out waiting for the same bus to NYC... a bunch of hugs and "WHAT'CHU DOIN?"s transpired and i was immediately happy I'd decided to take this bus. Uncle G ran down all the wonderful things he's been up to and that he was going to NYC to get his mom and some family members together to go see his grandad down in the ATL who is turning 92 on Tuesday! Oh happy day!

Anyway... it's 9am and I'm back in Brooklyn, in my own bed and can barely keep my eyes open.

but it definitely was worth the trip!

Monday, July 09, 2007

on the ride in this morning...

there was a lil boy about 7 or 8 years old and he was riding the train with his mom who was about 6'1, and he himself was about to her waist or taller. so his skinny beanheaded self was just tall enough to grab the lowest bar near the subway doors, you know how it kinda slopes down on those cars where the seats are only parallel benches.. anyway. this tall lil bighead was able to stretch his skiiiiiiinnnny coffee colored spaghetti string arm all the way up to grab that bar and was just bobbin back and forth from the force of the moving train! and his lil skinny armpit was right in my peripheral line of view (which of course made me laugh) and he was just bouncin around like a cartoon, like Wilt except not red (and he wasn't wearing a Jersey... or have a rattling eye.. or one arm).

Wednesday, July 04, 2007

(sigh...) part 2

i went out to see if i could catch the show from my stoop,
but all i could see was the illumination above the trees
from the park and lining the block.....

guess i'll catch the last ten minutes on channel 4
while i get ready to BE at work by 7:30am tomorrow....

(sigh...) i shoulda followed my first mind

and went to see the fireworks that i can hear outside my window.
maybe i'd feel alot better than i do right now.

Thursday, June 28, 2007

there's a giant IT

committing suicide on my kitchen floor.
(and by IT i mean bug.)

(((((i am not amused.)))))

somebody call the coroner please.
i'm going in the other room.

Sunday, June 24, 2007

Sis is SERIOUS!


ps... meanwhile, I met Dwana Adiaha Smallwood on the train coming home from DTH... If you don't know you betta ASK SOMEBODY (and get a copy of her performing Ailey's Cry on Oprah!)

nothin left for me to do but DANCE!

so i was out shooting an event at The Dance Theatre of Harlem yesterday and was delighted to meet the acquaintance of the lovely Ms. Marie Brooks, and thus inspired by her mere presence and subtle encouragement with few words:

Ms. Brooks: My dear how old are you?
Me: I turned twenty-eight on my last birthday.
Ms. Brooks: Ah Yes, I can tell! And are you a student here?
Me: No, ma'am. I wish I'd studied at the Dance Theatre of Harlem when I was young, but I'm too old to start now.
Ms. Brooks: Sweetheart, I am seventy-eight years old, you are young. And it all stays the same! You should come here and take classes. It will be good for your body and for your spirit...

Now, naturally I'm thinking: But you start ballet training at EIGHT not 28! But something in her eyes and her telling grin let me know that perhaps this is the right time to begin something new, something that I've always been drawn to. Anyone that knows me knows that I am always dancing. That's what I do, I dance. Wild and reckless. And though having somewhat formal, yet total non-classical training, I find that the motion of whatever music is surrounding me drawns me in and completely encompasses me without fail. No matter if it is a six piece band, a full orchestra or someone tapping an ill beat on a desk with their pen, when I get to moving, that's IT. I live to dance and i dance to live.

The cool thing is that JoeRodman has mentioned several times that since I now shoot for DTH that I should be able to take classes for free. So I guess I'll have to look into that and maybe start a regimine as a grown@ss ballerina! Wouldn't that be hot! LOL or hilarious..... who knows, but I love the idea of it (just as much as I love the idea of becoming a flying trapeze artist!) Of course there's the fifteen african dance classes being offered for free around bk and harlem that I never seem to make time for.... so since i call myself loving to dance so much I need to really get it together and get IN THERE!

Ashe, Ms. Brooks, and thank you.

Sunday, June 03, 2007

So the second part of the year is here...

and I can already see clearly... i mean the rain isn't gone, it's storming quite nicely outside tonight, but figuratively, the gray skies are clearing out, thank God.

I don't know what happened... actually I like to think of it as prayers being answered. I've been praying a simple prayer, Lord HELP ME, a lot over the last few months. It's no secret that the first part of this year has been a bit challenging, mentally. My faith hasn't been tested, but moreso my patience in coping with not understanding what in the heck is unfolding. It seemed my peace and joy went on holiday somewhere around late January and have been taking the scenic route way back around. Now that I seem to be getting back to my SELF, it seems almost futile, unreal even, the feelings of depression that I've been experiencing in recent months. And so my prayer was Lord HELP ME. Still is, I'm just finding ways to focus on blue skies rather than blue moods, these days. It's helped that a friendship with a person that I love dearly has kinda picked up from where it'd left off in late winter. A fresh bloom perhaps. Though I hate to admit that the seeming lost of that friendship, or the accessibility to it, was one of the major catalysts to my traumatic blues, i can't deny the truth of it one bit. Unconditional love runs deep, and being the simpleton that I can be when it comes to matters of the heart, I am more content to sit still in the presence of the one i love than busy myself in the company of others just to pass the time. (In defense of my heart's loyalty, I have repeatedly asked for an out, either by way of the Lord changing my heart's mind, or by way of clearly understanding- and coming to terms with- my love/affections being unrequited. Neither out has been granted, as of yet. Consequently, I take each moment for what it is, loving until it is no longer an option.) And so. In current events, I've gotten to spend some quality time with a quality individual
, for which I am happy (and have come to understand some things that I didn't fully graps before.) yay!

Either more or just as importantly, as of Friday June 1st, my pen has finally given birth to a wonderful story of a character that has been gestating for some five years now. I intend to publish an illustrated children's book, for which I wrote the synopsis almost two years ago. BUT it wasn't until my birthday
[416] dinner with JoeRodman that I actually began to put the wheels in motion towards getting the actual story written so that it MAY be illustrated and published at some point... and at some point a good idea must become the actual product. So finally the product is here for which I am pleased. yay! Finishing the story has put things into a whole nother perspective for me now: I can now see the vision that should be written. I can plan for the future of my career as a children's book author. There ARE so many things I'd like to do, but right now I can begin to delineate what I AM doing today, next week and so on. And for this I am thankful because I'd kinda felt like I was off the course for a moment, and again, that was becoming mentally problematic.

Interestingly enough, the job I'd lost in Feb has kinda come back around so to speak, though I haven't decided whether or not I will fall back in line. I'm tryin to figure out at what point will I be moving backwards or spinning in my wheels with both this situation and the aforementioned one with my heart. I pray a lot these days. I do not now, nor have I ever believed that I am in control of these things. And so I proactively wait for the answers to reveal themselves by Gods Hand: GYE NYAME, indeed.

I joined church today, became a member of a church here in Brooklyn after having not been really affiliated with any one specific church for about three years. I feel it's time, my roots are definitely in the church and I'm kinda tired of neglecting the church family dynamic that I understand so well. So we'll see how it goes, I'm looking forward to seeing how things cultivate as I begin this new chapter. Though I spend the majority of my time by myself (believe it or not) I believe in the communal experience and understand how it's necessary for a full resonant life.

So as always, through the ups that are wayyy up and the downs that are wayyyyy down, I'm here and I'm living the life I want, I can't complain... I can ALWAYS UPGRADE, but I can't complain.

Here's to
the spectrum of experiences
life throws at us. And living in the balance of it all.
and TRUSTING God.


416
***