Tuesday, September 19, 2006

this is the part where i retract my previous sentiments...

when u find someone in your life
who's actions
speak louder than their words
(or lack thereof)
who exists in a substantially positive way
& who's charater easily resonates &
influences u in ways that u need
& who makes u laugh
either with a quirky yet keen sense of humor
or by relentlessly tickling u
& who makes u think about
things u wouldn't ordinarily think about
or provides answers to questions u've always had
& has a genuine interest in your wellbeing &
a proactive way of showing it
(especially when it comes to terrifying incidents
with monster-sized flying waterbugs)...

...if someone like that appears in your life
don't question the validity or significance of it...

just take it for the blessing that it is
& do your part to keep it from
getting too complicated

Sunday, September 10, 2006

this is why he's my best friend...

Hello Lady,

Being on the same page can sometimes be quite a challenge in a relationship. Especially in the first few years. The real thing that you want to know is: Are you at least reading the same book? You can be reading the same book and just be in two different chapters because one of you is a faster reader than the other. The thing is, if you both keep reading, you will eventually end up on the same page. Your momma and I started out reading the same book meaning that we wanted to be together. But, for a long while, about three years, we were on very different pages. With her dreams and aspirations leading to being a teacher and mine leading to being a musician, naturally it was very difficult to reach a common ground of reading. We wanted to be together (same book) so, eventually, we made it work (same page).

Not being on the same page with someone only makes a big difference if you are not reading the same book. Some people are quicker in defining the book they are reading than others...TIME. Some people have to overcome the fear of the commitment that the reading is leading them to...TIME. There is the sorting out of thoughts...TIME. Overcoming uncertainties and such...TIME. There are all kinds of things that can take...TIME. Once all of the issues are unclouded, if you realize that you are reading the same book, then you have to decide if it is worth it to take the time to get on the same page.

If you find that you are not reading the same book, then you know you will never get on the same page, and you can act accordingly. If you want romance and he wants friendship...different book.

Like I said, commitment is a scary thing for some people. Especially these days for some reason. Give things time to play out. If you keep your feelings in check by being realistic to whatever the situation is and see how it plays out, you can't lose either way. If you make your case to someone about how you feel, you don't have to keep making it. You never have to mention it again until that person does. Until then, pray for discernment and wisdom. Know that some may be afraid to make that commitment. So, be patient, look and listen.

Keep reading. You'll find someone who's interested in the same reading material.



Wednesday, September 06, 2006

premonition manifest..

according to my granny, i'm the free bird. she often chuckles "well i guess u's the only free bird left..." of the thirteen or so of her children's children that have committed themselves in love to another... and that's fine with her... she, well no one's ever felt it necessary to question why i've remained single for most of, perhaps all of my young adult life... i guess it just is what it is. everything IS everything, right, what is meant to be will be/ develop a negative into a positive picture and such, a favorite quote from the artist formerly referred to as l-boogie. well, i sit here, typing, trying to process my latest "role of negatives" into something of a positive picture that can be made into some sort of montage to gain from. just over a week ago i was splashed with a blue melancholy that has kept me in a rather dampened mood ever since. i spoke of it in another posting, saying that i felt like the piece of contentment i'd come to find in someone i deem special was likely coming to an end. well... maybe it's the power in word or even in mere thought, or perhaps just the sensible coming to terms with what IS and finding the where-with-all to move past it. i didn't want to be the first one to bring it up (IT being that inevitable: "so are we on the same page?") i really didn't. but once i realized that i really just might be on a different page than what was believed to be [within our pseudo/quasi/sorta/kinda/maybe/ itseemslikewe'redefinitelymorethanjustfriends relationship] there wasn't any way to ignore it. so without warning (to myself or to him) i brought it up. much to my surprise, and i guess his. the interesting thing is that the more i said, the more i thought: "WHAT am i doing??" yet i felt compelled to continue "sharing" about my perspective of the situation. i wanted to take back what i was saying, on some ole, "you know i was just playing...", but i wasn't playing. wasn't being silly. no jokes. no witty or sarcastic banter (well that i remember anyway) wasn't showing anything that contentment looks like. just being real, and open and vulnerable.. u know that stuff we like to see other people do but limit our own activity of for fear of looking foolish, being taken for granted, being rejected or being met with silence. yeah, that was ya'gurl. just open and telling it like it was... from her side of the grass. (i blamed the cartharsis on this freakin raw food cleanse thing i'm still managing to hold on to...)

why'd i do it, i've been asking myself over the past twentyfour hours, even though i knew the answer long before this even developed: whatever it is you're doing with someone, you have to be on the same page.

so now i guess we are: i flipped that sucka over to FIN.

Sunday, September 03, 2006

well... what can i say....

dag... today has been one of those days....

raining like crazy... sheets of rain... hurricane what's his name is doing the damn thing... been raining since last night but i managed to make it in before the deluge had a chance to drench me.... slept til i woke UP, which was around 2:30p (i don;t get to do that so often anymore with this grown up job), now its 2:15am and i probably won't be going to sleep for another few hours.

sooo (*sigh* i've been sighing a lot more lately) in keeping with the theme of the week, i've been keeping to my fonky little raw food regimen. i'm tired of it though. i want some good tasty cooked food... BUT, superficially speaking, in four days, my skin is looking comparatively healthier..... but this apples spinach kale juice is driving me cuckoo4cocoapuffs... and i don't even like cocoapuffs. wouldn't mind some honeynut cheerios and soy milk though.

BUT no need to really cheer for my success just yet..... in a moment of weakness i fell victim to the NATURAL (mind you) peanut butter pushed to the back of the cupboard by jamming my celery stick down into it.... you know how when claire was workin out with debbie allen so that she could fit into her gold embroidered reunion dress, and cliff- in all efforts to knock her off of the diet- cooked all that mexican food she loved, and she went down to the kitchen at like two in the morning and stuck the tortilla down into the guacamole in absolute extacy... yeah that was me just now, only instead of a corn tortilla chip it was a celery stick, and instead of (mmmm mmmm good) guacamole, it was peanut butter.

at first i tried to to just skim the top while taking large bites of the celery (which i really don't care for EVER) but it turned into more of a celery spoon for my peanut butter mouthfuls. i only ate a few of them, and dag did it hit the spot, but i stopped short of contentment and ate the rest of the celery sans peanuts or butter.

now my tummy hurts... go figure... and i'm hoping that i haven't reversed the affects of 4 days of skin nuturing with my one little slip-up. i guess its back to green juice in the morning.

...anyway, this is the second saturday in a row that i've been in the house all day. not that i can't go out and find something very newyorkish to do, but who wants to get soggy in heavy downpours?... i'm bored now. of course there's some writing or editing or perpetual straightening up that i can be doing, but i'm under my warm covers (gosh i love this heated blanket) missing what/whoever it is a gurl can miss on a saturday night.